As this year has progressed, I've been able to drop (or add) things to my life to become a better cyclist. I started riding regularly last November. My first limiters were fitness and weight. As the time went on and I still couldn't hang with the best of them, I looked for reasons. I found a few, but in the end, I still was unable to keep up for the whole WNW.
I came close a couple of times, but never quite made it.
I refuse to accept my age as an excuse. There's really nothing I can do about that and anyway, I still believe there are things I can do to get better. Two obvious ones are things like certain types of training I neglect (intervals) and the amount of beer I drink (more than I should, not less).
There's also the continuous application of the things I have improved on this year:
Sleep
Water
Food
Recovery
Oh yeah, and racing. Racing is really the only way to get to top speed. So who knows if that will happen. I'm not going to make any claims about what will happen. I've already done way too much of that (and been wrong).
During this self-analysis thingy throughout the year, I've become aware of a fear I have. What if I do everything correctly and I still can't keep up? Deep down, I don't believe that would happen. I believe that if I paid closer attention to everything I'm doing I could become one of the best. But maybe not. The fear is I would get no better and then not only would I still suck, now I wouldn't have any excuses to use to rock myself to sleep.
I've realized that I find comfort in my excuses and/or rationalizations. Last year, I made some blog post about chasing down Munson and Miles on the keystone. I was proud of the achievement at the time, but then Shim made comments that showed the boasting for what it really was. Pointless drivel. Who cares? It proves nothing unless you go out there and test it against racers.
I was glad for the revelation. Since then, I have tried to make an effort not to boast. Let actions speak for you.
This fear of failure after having done everything "right" is sort of a safety net for me. I am free to say "Well, I could have performed better, if ..."
Even though I saw boasting about what did happen or what would happen in the future as meaningless, I still was not ready to completely abandon my safety net.
Then two days ago I read something that completely floored me. I had to read it several times to get the meaning of it. It didn't seem true. I couldn't grasp how someone could think this way. It was just a few words in a book. It's been going through my mind ever since as I try to come to terms with it.
I am reading the book "Domestique" by Charly Wegelius. It is his story about how he came to understand and relish the role of the domestique in the pro peloton.
He had been obsessed with the idea of being a pro cyclist from a young age. He's talking about his first few pro races and his thought process in preparing:
I had to have trained properly, eaten properly, stretched properly and recovered properly too. It was an issue of conscience; if I lost and I had done everything, then I could accept it. But if I lost and there was one little box I hadn’t ticked, I couldn’t forgive myself.
The answer of course, that is 49 years in the making for me is: How can you live with yourself if you never really gave winning a chance? I am still not sure I grasp the mind of a person that is completely without excuses, but hopefully it's coming. But again, I can't speak to the future. Maybe I will get it maybe I won't.
One thing is for certain though. It really doesn't matter that much at all. Whew. As long as I remember that, I'll have one excuse to hang on to if I come up short (assuming I do actually compete at some point, which I probably won't).
Thanks Dr. Blog, I don't know if I feel any better or not (I don't) but I just wanted to talk through it a little bit.
7 comments:
My realization of failure was my 2nd to last year of racing. Randell and I had pretty much matched each other in training from the time we started racing.
Then, one early spring day when we were going to do some LT intervals, he just rode away from me. And LT was my thing. I could hop in a TT and do pretty well against most. I enjoyed LT work and always had that above Randell. But then it was gone. He became a Cat 2(then cat 1 I think), dominated the racing scene for a couple years, then he was done.
I eked out a little more fitness, did pretty well in a few Cat 3 races, upgraded to cat 2 and called it quits also after finding out I was just pack fodder compared to actual cat 1/2s. That, plus I was so burnt out on racing and in debt, I couldn't handle it anymore.
But ya know Fred, the best and fastest I ever felt on a bike never happened at a race. It was at a WNW ride. All the heavy hitters were there at the time - Kent, Spence, Shim, Limpach, Randell, and a couple others I can't remember. On the Omaha trace we really ramped it up going for the sprint before that downhill into Fort Calhoun. There were 3 or 4 of us at the end taking monster pulls, upping the pace every time at the front, and somehow, I felt like we were standing still. So I destroyed the sprint. Everyone gave me a "Good Job" and that was the fastest I've ever been.
WNW is pretty much a race every week since we don't have actual races around here every weekend, unlike other cycling meccas. So in actuality, you could say that you are racing to train. If you did really race, you'd have a few variables with people from other areas, but if you get fast enough to always hang with the fastest at each WNW(which you're pretty close to), then it won't be much different anywhere else.
Nice insight Munson. If I'm hearing you correctly, you are saying I can go ahead and keep drinking the same amount of beer. Sweet! Thanks.
This was thought provoking. Thanks.
It takes me more courage accepting my limitations than in actually proving that I'm better than anyone else.
Eh, drink the beer if you like, but I didn't start drinking beer till after I was done racing. However, I would consistently polish off a "litre of cola" after every hard ride. So like every other day.
Just ask people I traveled to races with. At truck stops while everyone else was buying bottled water and maybe a 12 oz. can of soda, I'd be buying a 2 liter to last me a couple days. Hells yea.
Munson, first of all, I'm not going around to truck stops asking people about you. Second of all, I will always drink beer. I always have. Let's not get silly. Thirdly, I very rarely drink any kind of soda. Just ask anybody at a truck stop or public rest area.
we all should measure ourselves based on that ride.. life and biking would have not meaning otherwise
It is sort of the gold standard of local rides, isn't it?
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