Mmm … Marketing

Tuesday afternoon I decided to eat lunch in the cafeteria at work. Each day, a different vendor sets up shop and doles out somewhat warm food from the menu. There is no allowance in the cafeteria for hot plates or ovens or anything, so the vendor must either prepare everything beforehand or cook it in the parking lot and bring it in to the “kitchen”.

Tuesday, the vendor was DJ’s Dugout. They’re not any better or worse than any of the other vendors. I was in a training class and did not want to go out to lunch so I just needed to grab something. I decided on a burrito. DJ’s is not a Mexican place or anything, but they had burritos. Well, I thought they did. I saw somebody in front of me paying for what I mistook to be a burrito. So that’s what I tried to order.
“You?” said the DJ’s Customer service representative, pointing at me indicating it was my turn to order.

“I would like a burrito, please” confidence spilling into my tone. See, I rarely eat at the cafeteria, so I don’t have the routine down. I feel foolish, because some of those people in line seem to not only know how it works, but they actually are on a first name basis with several of the crew. One thing I don’t want to do is slow down the line. My fellow cafeteria brethren are hungry. They don’t need me getting in the way. I am desperately trying to make this all go as smooth as possible.

“Huh?” questioned my salesperson.
Uh oh. I did something wrong. I hear whispering behind me. Tongue clicking. I sense eye-rolling.
Um, “A beef burrito?” all confidence gone. Maybe “Huh” meant I had to specify whether I wanted chicken or beef. Didn’t I just see a burrito leaving the cashier area? I’m certain of it. Actually, I watched them make it.

Quickly I look to the wall on the left where the menu is kept. A quick scan reveals no burrito. What did I do wrong? I’m sweating now. Just about to panic and order a cheeseburger when I see it. There’s an item listed on their menu as “Taco Salad Wrap”.
Of course. How could I have been so foolish? I know if I worked at DJ’s and we had “Taco Salad Wraps” and somebody ordered a burrito, I’d be like, “Huh?”

Taco Salads were a great invention. The exact same ingredients as a taco, but with proportionally more lettuce and a big greasy fried bowl. Yum. The problem with Tacos is that they are not considered healthy. Even though a taco salad is roughly 1000 more calories than a taco, it has salad in its name, so it’s guilt-free eating.
But what’s healthier than a burrito, besides just about anything? A wrap, of course. Wraps are healthier than bread, so wraps are healthy. Looking back on it, I should thank DJ’s for their health consciousness. Had they just given me a burrito, the self-loathing would have lasted until dinner time. But no. Not only did I have just a salad for lunch, I had it in the form of a heart friendly wrap.
How to make a healthy alternative to burritos that’ll keep them coming back (Taco Salad Wrap):

One 12” Tortilla (call it a wrap to live longer)
½ pound ground beef with taco seasoning in it.
½ cup diced tomatoes
2 cups Cheddar cheese
¾ cup lettuce (shredded, like your abs will soon be)
Some sliced olives (optional)
A crap load of sour cream.

Carefully shove all ingredients onto a tortilla and roll that sucker* up. Then enjoy while contemplating getting into that old bathing suit.

* I'm thinking "Bad boy" might have been a better word choice here than "sucker". Oh well.