A few blog posts recently (2 of Brady’s one of mine) have been accurately appraised as being painfully boring to read. It got me thinking. I know that some posts are entertaining, and others make no sense or are just completely a waste of time. The confusing ones are a function of a computer guy trying to get ideas from his head into someone else’s. Good writers routinely achieve this. Computer guys don’t.
So, what’s boring? Watching golf is boring. Watching the PGA tour on television while waiting for the Preakness to start is excruciating. Especially since there was a rain delay, so it was just the announcers talking about how the “action” might continue in 30-45 minutes. The beautiful Big-screen images of the course with nobody on it for an hour or so really topped off that broadcast. But with the 5.1 Dolby Surround, I could hear the rain all around me. I invented “soakaround” technology. I grabbed a water bottle from the laundry room and asked Jack (age 6) to occasionally come by and spray it on my umbrella. It was just like being there. Boring.
But then thankfully, the television broadcast of the 134th Preakness Stakes began at 3:30. The race itself was not until about 5:20 or so but all the really boring crap leading up to it was way better than looking at a rainy day at a golf course on television. The actual race was very exciting. It was another one of those deals where I bet on one horse, but was actually rooting for another. Rachel Alexandra just hung on to beat The Kentucky Derby/ Probable Belmont winner by a length. Whew. My heart was beating hard watching, thinking she wouldn’t be able to hang on. But she did. And she didn’t break any legs either, so.
A lot of people think baseball is fun to watch. Nope. It’s boring. Baseball might be the only sport that is actually better on the radio than on television. I think it’s because you can visualize a much more interesting contest than what is actually happening. You hear the bat hit the ball, the roar of the crowd, the excited announcers yelling about whatever. Sounds very interesting.
Many people pretend they like to watch cycling. Mostly boring. The sprint finishes or the tremendous attacks on mountains are really cool – but honestly – only if you know what kind of effort that stuff takes. For the most part, the TDF is a bunch of guys riding on relatively flat roads together for hours at a time, creeping toward the breakaway group that they’ll catch and then there will be a sprint finish (which will be cool – but it took hours to get to that 2 minutes of action). Then all the time gaps of the GC contenders will be the same as the day before. Yawn. But just wait! In a couple of weeks, we hit the mountains! Yeah, whatever.
This blog. About once every 3 or 4 months, I write down some incoherent, irrelevant, self-indulgent dribble and present it to no one in particular (Brady and Shim).
But here’s the crazy part. How bored do you have to be to read it? I think it has to do with expectations. I hope it is not the case that a reader (Brady, Shim or Mary) would be like, “Man, I’m pretty entertained right now. I guess I’ll go check out fredcube.” I hope none of these people are like, “Wow, this skydiving is everything I thought it would be, but before I pull the ripcord, I just want to check something on my Blackberry…”
“Hardy Har har – tipping at Scooter’s! Oh, that fredcube. What a card.”
2 comments:
I never saw your book-report on Catch-22, Fred. Did you finish it?
It's OK if you didn't complete it. I never finished Atlas Shrugged, either. Fountainhead? Not a chance. Those books were incredibly long winded and boring.
Ayn Rand is among my favorite authors.
Anyway(s), I was curious about whether you finished Catch-22 because of the character Dunbar. Actually, you didn't need to finish Catch-22, but just get to the point where Dunbar is introduced. ((Ir)Regardless of whether you have/have finished it, you can skip reading it now, as well as the Cliff notes, for my forthcoming notes will be adequate.
As I was saying, (anyway(s),(ir)regardless, etc...), Catch-22's Dunbar extensively explored the concept of boredom. He was afraid of death and sought ways to extend his life as long as possible. Boredom was his answer.
Like Dunbar, I read Fredcube so I can live longer. I can actually hear the paint peeling on the wall while reading it. If I wasn't so engrossed in studying the very pixels of every character on your page, I'm sure I'd also see the paint fleck fall from the wall after hearing it peel. But your words and concepts are so exquisitely boring that I cannot look away. Simply reading every word allows entire afternoons to melt into the twilight. It's true that I'm also actively considering taking a 20" Craftsman framing hammer to my brain while wading through it, but at least I'll never have to wonder where the time went. Eventually, when I finally look up and fail to recognize the stars from shiny spots in the dark sky, I know I've accomplished extending my life.
The irony and catch-22 within this catch-22 is that Shim doesn't get it. I mean, he skims through the blog and consequently loses all the wholesome benefits of boredom all the while remaining in a bored state. Sad. Truly sad.
Let me also say that Oprah' Book club has got it all wrong. The Story of Edgar Sawtelle? Heart-wrenchingly inspirational. Blah. A New Earth? Searching for a spiritual meaning in life is not nearly as empty & void as the dissatisfaction of simply being bored.
For many years now, the boredom factor is my key to a great reading list. I'll never forget the first time I (attempted) reading Faulkner's Sound and Fury: an entire two weeks had passed before getting through his first paragraph (150 pages). Now if Oprah had a top 10 Boring Books list, I'd be older than Methuselah.
Hi Shim, here are the cliff notes: read Fredcube, live longer.
I did not finish Catch-22. Mainly because of moving and school and stuff. Oh that - and the fact that I felt my life was being shortened by reading it. I have read about 100 pages of it or so and see myself making progress. It scares me to read a book that I enjoy. Because then I won't know what to do when it's done. That's how I was able to plow my way through Atlas Shrugged. It was so boring, I had no fear of reaching the end of it. I will start reading Catch-22 again later today. That's a good idea.
Post a Comment