Now Yous Can't Leave

I've talked about my dad from time to time.  He has his stories about confrontations in bars and bowling alleys.  Maybe that's why "this scene" is about his favorite scene in any movie.

When I was looking for this video clip, I came across some analysis of the scene about life choices and mistakes and blah blah blah.  Just enjoy the scene for God's sake.  Because it's badass.  End of story.

Anyway - I think of the punch line "Now yous can't leave" every time I feel like - by my own actions and loud mouth - I get myself into an uncomfortable situation.  That would be today.

I don't know how many times a day (at least a couple of dozen) a line from a movie comes into my mind.

I can tell you that no matter what I weigh,  I think of "American Werewolf in London"  every time I step on the scale.  I see what I weigh and I think, "What's that star on the wall for?"

See what I did there?

Hmm.  So what else is going on?  Oh:

Jack and Abe have recently started taking gymnastics.  They both like the classes, so we'll keep them in there for as long as they want to go.  The only other sport they really get into is lounging, so we'll take gymnastics.  Who knows?  Maybe they'll be the first 6'5" gymnasts at the Olympic games.  I have visions of Jack - his arms outstretched as he holds the still rings impossibly still, his arms perfectly horizontal while the cries of "foul" are shouted from the finest athletes in the world.  "His feet are totally touching the floor!"  They'll yell.

A father can dream.

So last week - they said, "Uh yeah - we need to move Jack up to intermediate ..."

"Fair enough.  So that's at the same time as beginners, right?  So we don't drive clear the fuck out here and hang out  for two hours while the boys tag team bitch for an hour a piece about how bored they are? Right?  Right?

No.  Not the same time.  Different time.  Different day.  Intermediate is on Wednesday (beginner's is on Saturday).

So after Jack gets out of School on Wednesday, I take him directly to gymnastics.  

So no bike commute on Wednesday.

Yesterday was the first of the new class for Jack.  I needed to go directly from work to pick Jack up from school.  Normally, they take the bus.  Also - yesterday was pretty cold.  Not as cold as today or tomorrow, but pretty cold (just now, I thought of Pulp Fiction. - I'll be back before you can say blueberry pie - ok maybe not that fast, but pretty fast.)

There's this guy at work.  I have been introduced to him, but I can't quite recall his name.  It might be "Smuggy."  He's taken a great interest in my bike commute.  Rather - he's waiting for me to fail.  He seems to be rooting for the elements against me.

A couple of weeks ago, I was walking to the building from the bike rack and he was there (walking from his car to the building).  He cheerfully commented, "Not much longer for bike riding to work, eh?  Hardy har, har!"

Also - I think he writes for Chick publications.

Tuesday, I rode in, but didn't see the guy on my way in.  No - it was at some point in the afternoon.  I passed him in the hall and he said, "I see you're trying to get in every last day possible!"

"Yeah,"  I said, shifting my eyes nervously about.  Did I forget to take off my helmet or something?  Have I been walking around at work all day in my bike shorts?  How does Creepy McSmuggerson know I rode the bike in today?

Eek!  I have a bike stalker!

So yesterday morning sometime, he said "No biking today, I see."  Then he kind of chuckles because he's thinking - of course he didn't ride in today.  It's like 20F or something.

Anyway - I ignored the obvious fact that this guy seems to be monitoring the bike rack and said, "I would have ridden in today, but I have a thing I have to do ..."

He thought I was making an excuse/joke.  He clearly didn't believe me and I didn't care.  I don't need to explain how my son is on his way to becoming the greatest gymnast/basketball player the world has ever seen.

When I went over to Jack's school to pick him up for gymnastics, I saw his teacher from last year.  She is an avid cyclist.  She said to me, "Please tell me you didn't ride today."

My big fat mouth said, "I didn't - I would have, but I had to pick Jack up."

Well today (Thursday) I had to meet some friends for lunch in midtown.  No way I could get my bike there and lunch and back in a reasonable time.  So I didn't ride today.

I didn't know if creepy office stalker guy would see me today. He did.  This is 2 days in a row I didn't ride because of obligations.  Well today - I probably would have driven anyway because it was really really cold out.  So he says all sarcastic like, with a smuggly smirkly grin,  "I see no bike again.  You must have another 'thing' ."  When he said "thing" he brought out the dickfingers to pantomime the double quotes.

Now (like every day) I'm a little irritated.  He's all mocking and everything.  What's this guy's problem and why is he always scoping out the bike rack?

So I'm like, "Actually - yeah I do have a thing.  I have to go see a friend of mine in the hospital.  He might not be there tomorrow."

When I saw how awkward I had just made the moment, I softened my lie - "I mean he'll probably be released.  Anyway - I'll definitely be riding in tomorrow.  Yeah - it's cold, but I've got the gear.  No sweat.  Literally."

What was I saying?  I don't want to ride tomorrow.

Right now, weather.com is saying that it should be about zero fahrenheit when I leave for work tomorrow morning and 13F with a 15 MPH North wind as I head home (to the north).

But see - now I's can't leave.

I have no excuse other than the cold.  There is no snow forecast.  

So if anybody wants to grab some lunch or needs a ride to gymnastics or anything, let me know right away please.  Because otherwise I'm bike commuting and it's really cold out.  Dammit.

That last sentence is in clear violation of the V - my apologies.

Oh yeah - and I should mention.  Ain't no effing way I'm riding tomorrow.  But to save face, I'll take my bike in my car and park it at the bike rack for Bike Rack Stalker guy's benefit.

If I haven't said it before, I'd just like to take this opportunity to say that it's been nice writing this post and having you read it. I'll see you next week.  Believe me when I say with all my heart, goodbye.