It seems like every summer, there's a big huge free concert down the street over there at the Memorial park. There are usually 3 or 5 bands who used to be popular. They each do a 20 minute set and then there are fireworks.
One year recently, I think it was Sugar Ray, Blues Traveler and Uncle Kracker. Smashmouth might have been there or maybe that was a different year.
I think the estimates are usually that something like 80,000 people go. I think we go about 1 out of 2 or 3 years. It's usually a pretty good time. It's free. It's a big party.
I wonder how many people would show up if they charged say, five dollars.
Anyway, I don't really know who Uncle Kracker is, but I'm pretty sure I don't like them.
Cracker on the other hand. I really like Cracker. The lyrics. Yeah. It's the lyrics.
"Hey, Hey it's ok to make a little mess out of your life. Cause you don't need a diagram to tell you how to have a good time."
"I don't know what the world may need, but a V-8 engine's a good start for me"
"Well I was gonna bring you flowers but I didn't. It's the thought that counts and I think I'm a bit too broke."
Pure gold. Uncle Kracker though. Hang on. I honestly don't know what they sing. I will consult the google and get back to you. It might take a while but to you it will only seem like a moment ...
Ok I'm back. That was only like a minute. I have to go back to google but I just wanted to stop back and say that I still don't know what "they" sing, but I have learned that "Uncle Kracker" is the stage name of a person who is really named "Matthew Shafer"
I'm not sure which I like better except that it's not "Uncle Kracker." I think that's a terribly annoying name.
Cracker on the other hand ...
Ok hang on, I'll go see what M. Night Shafer sings. See? Right there. Better name than both of the others. And that took me like zero seconds to come up with. Maybe Uncle Kracker was too busy writing awesome songs to worry about how he was being bullied. Hang on, I'll be right back.
Holy Jason Mraz on helium, Batman! Yuck. I do not like the song singing of this Uncle Kracker very much at all.
I distinctly remember him now. I remember being glad we were arriving as his second 15 minutes in life was ending at Memorial park (he was the first on that night).
But honestly, I can't give anybody at the free concert too hard a time. It's free. Therefore: fun.
I can't stand when people complain about how much the bands playing at the free concert suck.
Who cares? Drink a beer and have some fun. It's free. I hope that next year when the suck bands are announced and you get into the tongue clicking, eye rolling thing, you'll remember the cost of admission.
But anyway. I bring all of this up because:
1) I am at a total loss for anything to say tonight
b) I put on some Cracker (Kerosene Hat) when I sat down to the blank page tonight.
3) I want to iterate that there is no cost for the concert.
That reminds me. One time a few years ago somebody told me Cracker was playing at the free concert down the street.
He was telling me because he knew I liked Cracker so much.
I said, "Whaaaaaaat?!?! Cracker! That is unbelievable."
Then he said, "Oh it's definitely Cracker. On the radio, they said the lineup was Blues Traveler, Sugar Ray, Uncle Kracker, and maybe Smashmouth. They couldn't remember"
"Wait," I said, "I thought you said it was Cracker."
"Yeah. That's right. Uncle Kracker."
"I'm pretty sure that's different," I said, crestfallen. Hang on. I'm going to google "crestfallen" to see if that's how I was behaving when I found out it was Uncle Kracker and not Cracker playing the free concert down the street.
Ok I'm back. I looked up "crestfallen". I was totally crestfallen at that moment.
It turned out alright though. As I mentioned, we got there about the time Uncle Kracker was doing his last (possibly only) song. We worked our way to the stage and started shouting for him to play "Eurotrash Girl."
He tried to explain but we weren't having it. We basically threatened him. It worked. He played Eurotrash Girl for us. He had no choice at that point. Then as a bonus, he did a beautiful rendition of Jason Mraz's "I'm Yours" as sung by Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Did I mention that this was all free? We had beer. We had fun. Mission accomplished.
Afterward:
So while I was writing this, I wondered out loud if Cracker was still touring. Crazy. They're playing tonight (Thursday) through Saturday in Athens GA. Yeah, I won't be able to get to that one.
Next Friday though. They're in Maryland. Better, but probably not.
Hello, what's this? Richmond Virginia a week from Saturday!! Are you kidding me! I'm virtually there 3 times a week on the Zwift. I was there tonight as a matter of fact. I'm getting to know my way around that course pretty well. Lucky me.
Oops. Time to end the post. "Cracker -- Kerosene Hat" just ended and became "The Cramps - Off The Bone" which is simply delightful (96 tears in 96 eyes). Although possibly not as good as "The Uncle Kramps." The jury is still out and such.
Obligation met. Goodnight.
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