Yeah, that worked. Ok. Never mind. I got it. When I look at the title, I see "<i>You</i> pay it forward, bitch!" When I look at the last sentence, I see ... Oh never mind. This could go on forever. Uh oh, I think I've just proved (entire proof too large to fit in margin) the existence of God. Dammit. Now I have to repent and stuff. Surely there will be plenty of time for that later, though. Right now, I have a deadline ...
Anyway - what's happening with me today? I'm ever so happy that you've asked.
Warning: The following will be about bike shit. If you came here to read part 2 of about 3 from last week's post, I'm afraid you don't understand how this blog works.
Disclaimer: I may talk about the dead fish from last week's post later on. But the rest will have to wait for at least 2 weeks. Next week's post is already locked in and it doesn't have anything to do with where I wanted to take last week's post. The good news is that none of this matters at all, because I didn't really leave anything unfinished. There was just more I wanted to say.
I have a few favorite authors. Christopher Moore, Conn Iggulden, Ken Follett, Dr. Seuss (inventor of the word 'nerd'). When I've only read one or two books by a certain author, his style or formula isn't necessarily clear. After about 4 or 5, it becomes almost tedious to read the author because it's relatively easy to guess where the story is going.
As disorganized as this blog is, it may surprise you to learn that I also have a template I follow (attached below):
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//TODO: cleverly use foreshadowing device
//TODO: write stuff for blog.
//TODO: pretend to get attacked by a vampire.
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I would like to start off by talking about Rule 12. Of course everybody knows what rule 12 is, but Munson insists that I spell it out every time I mention a rule, so:
While the minimum number of bikes one should own is three, the correct number is
n+1, where n is the number of bikes currently owned. This equation may also be re-written as s-1, where s is the number of bikes owned that would result in separation from your partner.Last year (late 2013), I raced for the first time since 2007. Cyclocross. I entered 4 races in total. Of all the races I've ever done, these were my favorite 4. I am not good at it, yet. After barriers, I basically stop the bike and clumsily get back on. But I don't care, that's some fun stuff there.
Several weeks ago, Mrs Cube and I put some hanger thingies up in the basement. They were for my bikes. I have 3 bikes. We put up 4 sets of hangers (rule 12 compliance).
Then due to certain state and federal regulations governing all activities, home improvement projects, and meals, I was legally bound to take a photograph of the hangers (with bikes on 3 of them) and post it to Facebook.
The photo shows that I have 2 road bikes and a cross bike.
Last Summer when the boys were going to the Mountain Bike classes, I started riding on the trails (Tranquility and Swanson) and found my one true love. Off road cycling. At the time, I absolutely had to have a hardtail 29er. I was using my cross bike, which is ok on those courses, but not ideal.
I would still like to get a 29er, and after seeing the Facebook photo, several people suggested it would be the perfect bike for the empty hangers.
Yes and no. My cross bike weighs 26 pounds and I am going to race cross next year.
I need (want) a new cross bike.
But I'm old. I spent too much of my earlier life not saving money. I'm trying to catch up now. I set aside a certain amount each month now that leaves little for small purchases like "A New Bike."
So I have to save for the new cross bike. I'm fine with that. The sooner I cut out other expenses, the sooner I can get the bike.
Fortunately, there are many ways I can tighten up. One example that seems almost silly is my daily cup of coffee.
For a large coffee, it is somewhere around $2 - $2.50 depending on where you go. There are roughly 23 work days in a month so that's around $50 a month. Not much, but I have a coffee maker. I can make my own coffee. So that's what I do now.
Except this morning.
I was running late and decided to swing through Crane for a cup. I was not happy about the $2.42, but I had bought a "Crane card" several weeks ago. For $25.00, they put $30.00 value on the card. It still had about $10 left on it, so I figured it was ok to use it just this once (and 3 other times).
Usually when I pull up to the order/speaker thing, I'm the only one there. This morning, there was a car at the pick-up window and another one at the speaker.
On my morning drive, there's this thing I do. I also do it when I ride on the keystone. It is not genuine, but it entertains me. I pretend like everybody and everything is making me mad. I am in no way mad. I just enjoy the harmless game of insulting unknown faceless people in other cars (or on comfort bikes on the trail).
So upon seeing the car waiting at the speaker, my tirade went something like, "Just fuckin' great. Now it's going to be 5 minutes instead of 10 seconds because you can't go one fucking day without slamming 1000 calories of chocolate whipped cream coffee mocha treat down your fat gullet. Look at that stupid car you're driving (it was the same make, model and color as mine). 'Oh - I just have to have a Honda so I can go to Crane and get into real people's way.' Stupid Bitch."
Eventually, it was my turn to order and like every day (that I go to crane) I asked what the special flavored coffee was. And like every day, I didn't listen to the answer. I just said, "Yeah - I'll go with the unflavored kind. Black." and like every day, they said, "Did you need a muffin or scone added to that?" and like every day, I said, "No thank you."
But unlike everyday when I got to the window and offered my Crane card to the hippie, he said, "Um actually?" That's how he said it. Like a question. Then he continued to ask me questions in the form of statements. "Um actually? The lady in the car before this one? she paid for your coffee."
"Could I have that scone now?" I said.
Um actually?, I said, "Wow. Ok thanks."
And I drove off. I was a little touched by the stupid random gesture, but it was not enough to get me out of pretend rant mode.
"If I find that fucking bitch, I'm gonna thank the hell out of her. Who does she think she is? How chicken shit is that? Pay for my coffee and then just drive off. Next time, I'll cut in front of her dumb ass and pay for her drink. See how she likes it."
Then I envisioned how that would have been a much better start to the day. Just cut in front of the woman while she was still at the speaker. While she's still fuming at the injustice of my "cuts" the hippie would ask her that not only did I pay for her drink, but I also paid for extra chocolate and whipped cream and insulin shots.
As this hilarious (to me) vision faded, I realized I still had 4 more visits to Crane instead of 3 and actually was happy. The end result of that woman's kindness is that I will be able to get my cross bike roughly 4 seconds sooner now. That's training time I can't afford to give up.
So remember, next time you are being impatient for entertainment purposes only, the person in front of you is most likely trying to win God's favor for some horrible sin against humanit ...
Hang on, I have to answer this ...
Why hello, lady who bought my unflavored coffee this morning, what on earth are you doing here? Is that chocolate dripping from your fangs?
Oh no! Ahhh! Bite. Crunch. Die.
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