I first became aware of the show after I read a Ken Follett Book called "Fall of Giants." I'm a big fan of historical fiction and Ken Follett is my second favorite writer of it.
"Fall of Giants" was about the events leading up to WWI from the perspective of various royalty, peasants and working class folks from all over the world. Follett ties it all up nice and tidy to make an amazing story out of something I would otherwise have little interest in (WWI history).
So I was telling a drinking buddy about the book. Since it's a drinking buddy, I was required to preface telling him about the book with, "I know it sounds totally gay, but I was reading this book ..."
After I told him all about it, he said if I liked that, I might be interested in this show called "Downton Abbey."
Well, what he said was, "Ok this is gonna sound really gay, but I've been watching this British series on PBS. It's FABULOUS!!!"
Well - I was interested after that. My drinking buddy and I pretty much agree on lots of stuff. He went with me to Pearl Jam. When I asked him if he wanted to go see Pearl Jam at Wrigley Field, it was more of a taunt. I knew he'd go.
Season One of Downton Abbey was on Netflix, so one night, I sat down to enjoy Episode One of the best show ever.
Eight minutes later, I was done with Downton Abbey. Forever. I can hear you saying, "Um Cube, do you really think you gave it a fair shake? Eight Minutes?"
You - and my wife, who thinks that Downton Abbey is so incredible, she is now forced to watch every single British TV show that comes out - may have a point. It doesn't matter though. I'm sure it's truly a fantastic show. Judging from the people I know who just want to do terrible things to the show, they love it so much, I bet I would also love it if I could get past that one thing.
But I can't.
Over the last few days, I started thinking maybe I'd give the show another chance. Maybe I overreacted. Now that a new season is starting, maybe I should at least try.
There's a certain type of humor I really can't stand. I'm not talking about puns. I can't stand puns, but that's not really humor, is it (the way this sentence is written is an example of what I hate about Downton Abbey. So even though I am guilty of the same thing, I can't stand it when the British do it).
It's the British snobby smart-ass clever humor. I don't know why, but I want to put a bullet in my head every time I hear it. And by "my head" I mean "my gun." I want to put a bullet in my gun, then shoot that stuck-up bastard making his snide remark.
Is "limey" wrong to say? Because if it is, I won't say it.
Anyway, The thing I'm talking about happens every 12 seconds on Downton Abbey.
I believe within the first couple of scenes on the first episode of Downton Abbey, There was like some butler or something. I think he was retiring. He was talking to some other servant in this house.
Then one of the people they worked for came in and said some pretty snotty shit. After she left, The butler raised his eyebrows and said something equally snarky, British and annoying.
It may not have happened like this, but that's how I remember it.
It was something like, "Hobson, be a dear and fetch me the tea kettle polish, if it's not too much bother." She was being all bitchy.
Then Hobson's like, "Well - I should say if the good lady is in need of some polish, I shall drop everything Lord Python commanded and fetch said polish posthaste. If it pleases milady, this polish performs most flawlessly when shoved outlandishly far up milady's bum."
"Oh Hobson, by all means, send it up there without delay. I simply can't stomach the idea of your poor lips spending the entire day up there all alone. Sniff," I'm paraphrasing.
Anyway - like I said, I was thinking of giving the show another chance, but I got home from Jimmy John's tonight and handed out a bunch of sandwiches. Jill was watching one of her British TV shows. I wasn't really paying much attention. I was at the dining room table, but could hear the television and there it was. That same chalkboard screeching smart-ass British noise I hate so much. After about 4 minutes I realized this was none other than the latest episode of Downton Abbey. So much for giving it a chance.
Understand, I'm certain it is an amazing show. It's just they always do that thing I hate.
By now you may have noticed I don't have anything to say tonight. That's ok. Having something to say was never part of the agreement.
Actually, I do want to briefly talk about something. It's been on my mind as much as Downton Abbey is annoying. It has to do with JWait's last post.
jwait is a good person from what I can tell. In his latest post, he hatches a scheme to be nice to people. So far so good. What could possibly be wrong with that?
On the surface, nothing. Granted, being nice to people is a young man's game. I'm too old for that sort of thing and I admire him for his gumption (old guy word).
But the people he's talking about being nice to. Sorry. No thanks. He's talking about newbies to cycling.
This is not running. I remember when a certain person (who I promised myself I wouldn't mention by name tonight because I mention him every week) came to cycling from running. He saw people getting dropped and instigated a buddy system. He appealed to our something or other and quoted Yoda. We were all like "Fuck that noise. You ride slow with them or something." Good times.
Anyway - yeah jwait - not that any of the standoffish folks he's talking about are "nice" to me. In fact some of them are real assholes.
When you're new to a group and you don't understand what you are doing, you're going to get yelled at. This is because you are potentially putting people in danger. This is not a game. Lives are literally on the line. The yelling is partially anger, but it is more instruction during a fast paced ride. Whispering will not be heard. Waiting to explain until later is unwise.
Ok, I know jwait was talking about the environment at the meetup before the ride being cold and unwelcoming and not about what happens later on the road. In fact, he then goes on to say the group would be dropping that newbie posthaste on the trace (a section of the ride). Then they'll all sit up, put in their monocles or pince nez's or whatever and say something like "I say. Where's that young newbie you were so chatty with earlier?"
then jwait will say, "Egads, you're quite right. I guess he forgot the tea kettle polish."
And sceeeene!
6 comments:
The buddy system is still a good idea. I now recommend pairing up with someone of like ability. That way, when both are dropped at the same moment, they not only have a riding partner, but one they can commiserate with about all the other douchbags up the road. Good times.
"Granted, being nice to people is a young man's game. I'm too old for that sort of thing..."
I call BS on that one. You've been entirely too nice to me (who was a group ride newbie this past season) since we met. In fact, that's probably why you don't like that uppity British humour. It's just too mean for such a nice guy like yourself. ;)
Brady - as a perennial um, person up the road, you may not be aware of this - but that is exactly what we do back there.
Travis - I'm afraid I may have given the wrong impression. I met you the first time I was on the GSV ride. I was the newbie in my mind and in no position to do the cold stare sunglasses thing that jwait describes. Just kidding. I completely agree with jwait. I've never understood the elitism in the local amateur peloton. It's just stupid. But don't go around calling people (me) nice. It hurts. Also - please stop spelling "humor" the British way.
I've always appreciated the way the Brits (and Canadians) like to add an extra u into certain words. I hope that doesn't colour your opinion of me in a negative way.
In that group, you can know exactly what you're doing and still get yelled at. Be sure to remember your cool-kid card when the ride starts again.
True. Especially if you should happen to accelerate when the actual cool kids don't want you to. Look out. Woah to that Fred.
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