You know how sometimes people want to be nice? No? Well it's true. Sometimes people want to be nice.
I don't know why this happens, but it does. Sometimes when someone decides to slightly inconvenience themselves to help another person out, everything goes according to plan. The helper successfully helps the helpee and receives due thanks.
I know from personal experience that the half dozen or so times in my life I've gone out of my way to "do someone a solid," the gratitude I've received has literally warmed my heart.
Seriously. Some woman with a bag of groceries in one hand and a baby in the other drops her keys trying to open the back of her minivan, I scoop up the keys and press the unlock dealy and I feel like a big huge hero. Her warm "Thank you" brightens my mood for several hours until the shots of scotch do the work they're intended for.
But what if she wasn't thankful? How would I feel if instead of letting me help, she was all, "What are you doing? Give me my keys or I'll call the police?"
Well yeah - helpful becomes harder at that point. I'd turn from hero into guy who dropped the keys back on the ground. Then I'm pretty sure I'd kick them several feet under the minivan.
The reason? I'm not a nice person. And neither is anybody. If I were a nice person in the situation above, the woman's reaction one way or another would have no effect on my mood (until the scotch kicked in). I would be helping only because I saw a person in need and it was nothing for me to make life slightly easier. Maybe. I don't really know what my motivation would be because I don't suffer from any sort of altruistic condition.
My point is this: If someone does not want the help you offer, do not get mad about it. If you do, you prove that your motivation was selfish.
Yeah but cube, what are you getting at? Nobody here is accusing you of being some sort of Mother Teresa or anything.
First of all, don't get me started on Mother Teresa. And secondly, I'm glad you asked.
I'm talking about traffic.
Sometimes, when people are driving in their cars, they get nice all of the sudden. I'm not talking about safe cautious driving. I am a huge fan of the aware focused motorist. I absolutely despise the aggressive angry motorist, but if s/he is alert and not speeding too much, no real harm or danger is present.
The worst is the person who is not paying attention. Whether it's texting or goofing with some control on the panel or just a bad or drunk driver. These people are a danger and potentially lethal to motorists and especially to cyclists.
The second worst is the "helper." I can't stand these people whether I'm in a car or on a bike.
These are people who disrupt the flow of traffic by either bending the rules or doing something unexpected to "help" either another motorist or cyclist.
One of my favorites is when you are waiting to turn left across two lanes of busy traffic. For some reason, the person in the outside lane of oncoming traffic decides to stop in front of you and block those behind so you can get through. Um - thanks, but you're an idiot.
Did you think I only needed your lane to be clear before I could make my turn? I bet if you were a Boy Scout, you'd help a little old lady to the middle of the street, then just go back or something.
The one exception is when traffic is backed up to the intersection. Then you're an idiot if you block the intersection and don't let people turn, but anyway ...
This next one is a little advanced, so don't feel too bad [sic] if you don't know it. I mean, it's in the driver's manual and stuff, but that's ok.
Four way stops. Strictly speaking if you get to a 4-way stop at "about the same time" as another car, and you are not facing each other, the one on the right goes first. I assume that if there are 4-way stops in England, it's the other way around.
This makes sense if you think about it. And that causes a great deal of problems for most motorists (thinking about stuff).
This happens to me often. I arrive on the left. By the way, follow me here for a second. If you look to your right and that's where the person is, you are on the left. If you look to your left and that is where the person is, you are on the right.
Anyway - I'm on the left. Other motorist is on the right. I'm looking at other motorist, waiting for them to go and they wave for me to go ahead because they have no idea what to do.
These days, when this happens - I just go. Throughout my driving history - I used to:
1980-1991: Just go.
1992: No car.
1993-1997: Stare at them until they gave up and went.
1997-2001: Just go, but flip them off as I went by (because I thought it was funny to flip off someone who thought they were being nice, but was really just dicking up the flow).
2002-2008: Hold up an enlarged page of the driver's manual page with the related information.*
2008-present: Just go.
In a way, I get when people drive in an unpredictable way around cyclists. I understand that when a motorist sees a cyclist, s/he thinks it's a little kid (or I guess - a really, really big kid in my case) who knows nothing about traffic. So there is extra caution. Stopping or pausing when you don't need to, confusing everyone with the slightly ironic consequence of making the road a little more dangerous.
The longer I ride, the more I learn to ride in a way that makes me more visible and is ultimately safer for me. For example - I think it was just this year that I started drifting over to the left side of a lane when I'm going straight across a busy intersection. This is so that any oncoming traffic can see me better before turning into or onto my path. I know the law says something about staying as far right as is practicable, and I think practicable means "the ability to practice," but I'd rather go with "be safe." Just me.
Another one - I learned from a comment Julie Harris made about "trackstanding" at stops. To a car, when you are trackstanding, it looks like you are going to go. It made total sense once I thought about it. I still trackstand as much as I can, but I understand why it can cause confusion. And that's half the battle or something.
There's a spot downtown when I'm going east on Burt Street where this one thing always happens: For some reason as I slow to stop for cross traffic, which the sign below the stop sign clearly states "does not stop," somebody driving northbound stops and looks at me. This person has no stop sign. I do. Then the person waves for me to go on ahead. Then I shake my head and wave for them to go. Then I look at the westbound motorist facing me at his stop sign and we both shrug at each other. Then we both wave for dumbass to go. Then another person gets behind that guy and starts honking.
This happens every single time I get to that stop sign. I don't know why. Maybe it's because I'm trackstanding.
Today's topic is inspired by an incident that happened yesterday. I was on my way home from work. Actually, I was on my way to an ATM in Benson, but that's a different story. Anyway, I usually go through Memorial park (on the trail) north to Underwood. There's a light there for pedestrians because Underwood is usually fast, heavy traffic right there. The light is always green for the Underwood traffic. J.E. George, which spills onto Underwood from the north there, ends in a STOP sign.
If you push the button on the light post, the light immediately changes and allows pedestrians to cross. This lasts for roughly 7 minutes. Ok, maybe not that long, but as George W. Bush would say, it's "apple time" to get across the street.
Usually, when I get there on my bike, I don't have the heart to stop all of these motorists. I decide to be nice. Oops. Anyway. I just wait for an opening and cross. I'm rarely ever there for more than 30 seconds. If I push that button, the cars I stop will be there for much longer.
So last night, it was (as always) pretty busy. Then a minivan coming from the West stopped. I thought she was waiting to turn left onto J.E. George Blvd. She had no signal on, but like that matters. Anyway, there was a bunch of traffic coming from the East, so she had to wait. After a while, there was a break in the westbound action and she had enough time to turn. She didn't. Cars began honking. They were really lining up.
That's when I realized she wasn't turning. She was being nice. She was letting me go.
Except, my intention was to go all the way across the street. Without someone being "nice" on the other side, I couldn't cross. Even if that did happen, I couldn't be sure someone wouldn't swerve around the stopped car.
So the next time the westbound lane cleared, I knew what she was doing.
But I just looked at her all 1993-1997 style while she frantically gestured for me to cross the street. This was way more entertaining for me than going to the ATM.
Traffic would clear. She'd wave hysterically for me to go. I'd look around making sure the coast was clear. Cars were honking. Then I'd give her a "thumbs up" and sit back on my top tube all casually deliberate.
After about three or four openings, making a whole bunch of honking enemies, and getting the "thumbs up" sign from me, she gave up. She continued on her way with possibly a great story about some idiot cyclist by memorial park. You're welcome, stupid lady.
As she went by me, she threw both hands in the air (look ma, no hands) in disgust at how clueless I am. Oh yeah, she was shaking her head pretty vigorously, I can tell you.
Op-ed:
You try to be nice and look what it gets you. Stupid cyclists not taking you up on your offer to help them get safely across at least half of the street. That why I yelled "breeder" at that stupid sonofabutch [sic] just standing there giving me the "thumbs up" sign all casually deliberate and everything. Also, he was very slender.
*Not really. 2002-2008 I just blew through all 4-way stops. Fuck 'em.
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