Friday Extra: I Haven’t Smelled That Since I Dyed My Hair Black

Back when I was considerably stupider than I now am, I had this friend.  He was not a smoker, but I was.  A nasty habit I had picked up at the ridiculously old age of 19.  Like most of the stupid dumbasses I hung around, I smoked Marlboro light 100's.  Hard pack, please.  I didn't switch to King size until I started working at a place that gave us 10 Minute smoke breaks.  Couldn't easily get 2 100's smoked in 10 minutes so the switch became a matter of what seemed like good economics.

I hid my smoking from my parents.  There just never seemed to be a good time to open that can of worms.  I sometimes wonder if they really knew I smoked and didn't say anything or if they were in denial about me smoking or if they just didn't notice my stench.

These days, it's hard to believe you wouldn't instantly know a smoker from about 50 feet away.  But back then, with smoking allowed in just about every public place, the smell could easily be explained away.

But my friend, Ric, was not a smoker.  He was (in my mind) a punk rocker.  To me, that was anyone who listened to The Dead Kennedys or Black Flag.  He also wore a long black overcoat.  I did too, but he was kind of short, so it looked (to me) really funny.

One day, I was walking around in the Old Market and I saw Ric.  We started talking and he pulled out a small narrow black box of what appeared to be cigarettes.  He offered me one and I took it - though I was surprised.  He was also 19 and it seemed a late age to start smoking.

"When did you start smoking, Ric?"

"Oh these aren't cigarettes.  They're cloves."

"Like the shit that people stick into ham?"

"Yeah.  You can smoke it and it tastes and smells terrific and it's not addictive and it's really cool."

"Hmm.  Okey - Doke.  You need a light?"

"Say - those do taste swell - but I think I still want to smoke tobacco.  But where'd you get these things anyway?"

"You have to go to David's Briar Shoppe at Westroads.  It's only about $3.00 for a pack of 16."

At the time, 20 Marlboro Light 100's was about $0.95.  I figured I'd go out to David's Briar Shoppe and get me some to pull out on special occasions when I really needed to impress the people I knew who would be called "Emo" had they been born 25 years later.

Also - I felt the freedom to light these babies up in front of my mom (not my dad) because Ric said they weren't cigarettes.  Mom was like - Yeah - neither is plastic, but I don't want to light it up and inhale it ...

So I haven't thought about Clove Cigarettes in oh, 30 years or so.  Yesterday afternoon, I was taking a walk around the building here at the company.  It was a lovely day and one time around the building is about 1/2 a mile.

As I went near the deluxe company smoking area, I got a whiff of the unmistakable scent.  Are you kidding me?  Someone was smoking cloves in there.

Later on, I looked it up and Clove cigarettes have been outlawed (for sale) for a few years.  I guess they actually are about 70% tobacco and 30% cloves and other crap.

They were outlawed because children find them so delicious.

But I know what I smelled.  A little further research led me to find that it is perfectly legal to make your own. In fact there was a 15 step simple "how-to" that included some marination and baking in the oven.

Seems a little bit much to go through, but I guess some people really want to be 1980's cool, no matter how much trouble it is.