Then why do you so frequently do stupid stuff? It's because you don't stop and think.
Sometimes it can be a matter of simple education. If you are in the habit of being impatient when you are driving your motor vehicle (Car, Truck, SUV), you should stop and think for a minute. I know, you don't have a minute. You're in a big fat hurry. But check out what I've learned over the years from driving my car to the company each morning:
This is basically a traipse across the city along 72nd street. There have been several times I was running late and thought that driving faster would help. It does not. Mostly now, I just take a nice easy drive at the speed limit and watch as eager, aggressive, impatient motorists weave through traffic, speed through yellow/red lights, and cut others off for that sweet pole position at the next stop light.
Once the rest of us approach the light, it turns green and the "late for a meeting" race to the next red light begins. The rest of us watch with the mild interest that comes from seeing this scene play out every day for years.
It usually takes me about 20 minutes to drive the seven miles from Cass to Cornhusker. If you stop and think about it, that's just over 20MPH average. If there were no traffic lights and you could go unimpeded for the whole distance at 60 MPH, you could make it in 7 minutes. You'd save 13 minutes! That's amazing! You should do that.
But you can't. If you drive 60 MPH at every opportunity (the speed limit ranges from 35-45) along that stretch) and run the occasional yellow/red light, the trip will take you 20 minutes. You can not get there faster. But you will be all riled up and angry at all the people slowing you down.
I used to be an impatient driver. I just don't really care for being angry in the morning, so I quit.
When I'm out riding my bike around I will often encounter the impatient motorist. This is a person who has not figured out it takes 20 Minutes to get from Cass to Cornhusker. When this person is momentarily slowed because a bike is in the way, s/he takes it personally. Note: I do not ride on 72nd street in town. I'm slowing people down on safe streets with light traffic and plenty of room.
The driver feels like the cyclist has somehow stolen a piece of precious time. Retribution is in order! The fundamental difference between these 2 parties is that one is on a bike and the other is in a car. Also, one is a big fat fucking heart attack waiting to happen. Hey, I think there's some ketchup on your shirt.
This transgression (riding a bike slower than a car) must not go unpunished. Somebody needs to teach this guy a lesson. Scare 'em! Speed up to 10 or 15 MPH above the posted speed limit and bring the car within a few inches of the cyclist as you pass!
Stop and think, driver. If there's a bump in the road or something that takes the cyclist or you even slightly off course - if you forget how wide your stupid vehicle is or how far your ridiculous mirror sticks out, you may injure or kill the cyclist.
You will then blame the cyclist. Especially once you realize the person had a family and people s/he loved. It will be too much for you to take. You will bullshit yourself into thinking that it was the cyclist's fault for being on the road.
But eventually, you will have to face the fact that you could have waited a few seconds until you could pass safely.
And since you're not a creative person, your only option for relieving the guilt will be to end your life. Then you will be dead and your spouse and children will cry and stuff, but they'll know that you were a complete dumbass and all of this could have been avoided if you'd have just stopped to think. Fuckin' loser. You deserve it.
I experienced a wonderful example of somebody doing this the right way tonight while I was on my ride home. I was riding across Pacific and into Elwood Park. It's pretty narrow there because the oncoming traffic was taking up the left turn lane. As I entered the park, a driver in a white Chevy Suburban decided to pass me. There was barely enough room for a car. Certainly not enough room to pass a cyclist. I yelled "Hey! Gimme some room!" I stuck my hand out in front of the windshield and gave it a good slap. I was calm but desperate. There simply was not enough room for the SUV to get between the line of cars without hitting me. Thankfully, this driver took the wise path. She stopped to think. To my utter surprise, the SUV backed off. That almost never happens.
Then about 6 seconds later, when it was safe to pass, the SUV went by me at a safe distance and I understood. There was a dog sticking its head out the back window. The SUV would have had to go by me close enough that I would have collided with the dog's stupid head. This driver was going to pass me and maybe hit me until she realized her fucking dog might be involved in the accident.
So when she stopped to think, it was about the well-being of her dog. Stupid twat.
So I guess I owe that dog.
I recently had a stop and think moment myself. I was riding along with a couple of cyclists named Eric O'Brien Redemske, when one of them decided to have a flat tire. It was really hot out so the flat tire was a terrible idea. Whatever, college boy.
As we were standing along the roadside, thinking about that flat tire, Bryan said something like, here comes another dog rescue for us.
I guess these guys have helped lost or stray dogs get either placed back at their houses or the humane society on 3 or 4 occasions in the last few years.
At first, it seems like some kind of weird fate. I mean I've never seen a dog that needed rescuing. Are these guys taking dogs from back yards or something?
Wait a minute. I frequently see dogs out wandering around. It's just that I never stop and think that the dog could be in some sort of trouble. I don't own a dog. When I'm out riding, I'm usually in a big hurry to get home. If it had been just me riding along up the highway the other day, I may have seen the dog, but I NEVER would have thought to call her over and check out her tags and call the owner and the humane society and all that. It just never would occur to me.
It will from now on. Maybe all you cyclists out there do this already. Maybe I'm the only one who never thought of it. But I doubt it. As cyclists, we are in a fantastic position to help dogs get back on track.
My only concern is the obvious one of how to safely attract the pooch in order to get the particulars. That's why from now on I will always carry a live squirrel in my jersey pocket.
Unfortunately, I don't have a fancy smart phone or anything. I just have a stupid old flip phone. I can't really look up the number of the humane society while I'm out there with your dog. So I'm going to add it to my contacts right now.
O.K. that's done. The number for the Nebraska Humane Society is 402-905-9410. After 7PM. it's 402-444-7800, option 1. If you're in Iowa, let the dog go. I didn't look up that number. Plus, the SUV that almost hit me today had Iowa plates, so the dog is probably better off wandering around than in that SUV.
Sometimes it can be a matter of simple education. If you are in the habit of being impatient when you are driving your motor vehicle (Car, Truck, SUV), you should stop and think for a minute. I know, you don't have a minute. You're in a big fat hurry. But check out what I've learned over the years from driving my car to the company each morning:
This is basically a traipse across the city along 72nd street. There have been several times I was running late and thought that driving faster would help. It does not. Mostly now, I just take a nice easy drive at the speed limit and watch as eager, aggressive, impatient motorists weave through traffic, speed through yellow/red lights, and cut others off for that sweet pole position at the next stop light.
Once the rest of us approach the light, it turns green and the "late for a meeting" race to the next red light begins. The rest of us watch with the mild interest that comes from seeing this scene play out every day for years.
It usually takes me about 20 minutes to drive the seven miles from Cass to Cornhusker. If you stop and think about it, that's just over 20MPH average. If there were no traffic lights and you could go unimpeded for the whole distance at 60 MPH, you could make it in 7 minutes. You'd save 13 minutes! That's amazing! You should do that.
But you can't. If you drive 60 MPH at every opportunity (the speed limit ranges from 35-45) along that stretch) and run the occasional yellow/red light, the trip will take you 20 minutes. You can not get there faster. But you will be all riled up and angry at all the people slowing you down.
I used to be an impatient driver. I just don't really care for being angry in the morning, so I quit.
When I'm out riding my bike around I will often encounter the impatient motorist. This is a person who has not figured out it takes 20 Minutes to get from Cass to Cornhusker. When this person is momentarily slowed because a bike is in the way, s/he takes it personally. Note: I do not ride on 72nd street in town. I'm slowing people down on safe streets with light traffic and plenty of room.
The driver feels like the cyclist has somehow stolen a piece of precious time. Retribution is in order! The fundamental difference between these 2 parties is that one is on a bike and the other is in a car. Also, one is a big fat fucking heart attack waiting to happen. Hey, I think there's some ketchup on your shirt.
This transgression (riding a bike slower than a car) must not go unpunished. Somebody needs to teach this guy a lesson. Scare 'em! Speed up to 10 or 15 MPH above the posted speed limit and bring the car within a few inches of the cyclist as you pass!
Stop and think, driver. If there's a bump in the road or something that takes the cyclist or you even slightly off course - if you forget how wide your stupid vehicle is or how far your ridiculous mirror sticks out, you may injure or kill the cyclist.
You will then blame the cyclist. Especially once you realize the person had a family and people s/he loved. It will be too much for you to take. You will bullshit yourself into thinking that it was the cyclist's fault for being on the road.
But eventually, you will have to face the fact that you could have waited a few seconds until you could pass safely.
And since you're not a creative person, your only option for relieving the guilt will be to end your life. Then you will be dead and your spouse and children will cry and stuff, but they'll know that you were a complete dumbass and all of this could have been avoided if you'd have just stopped to think. Fuckin' loser. You deserve it.
I experienced a wonderful example of somebody doing this the right way tonight while I was on my ride home. I was riding across Pacific and into Elwood Park. It's pretty narrow there because the oncoming traffic was taking up the left turn lane. As I entered the park, a driver in a white Chevy Suburban decided to pass me. There was barely enough room for a car. Certainly not enough room to pass a cyclist. I yelled "Hey! Gimme some room!" I stuck my hand out in front of the windshield and gave it a good slap. I was calm but desperate. There simply was not enough room for the SUV to get between the line of cars without hitting me. Thankfully, this driver took the wise path. She stopped to think. To my utter surprise, the SUV backed off. That almost never happens.
Then about 6 seconds later, when it was safe to pass, the SUV went by me at a safe distance and I understood. There was a dog sticking its head out the back window. The SUV would have had to go by me close enough that I would have collided with the dog's stupid head. This driver was going to pass me and maybe hit me until she realized her fucking dog might be involved in the accident.
So when she stopped to think, it was about the well-being of her dog. Stupid twat.
So I guess I owe that dog.
I recently had a stop and think moment myself. I was riding along with a couple of cyclists named Eric O'Brien Redemske, when one of them decided to have a flat tire. It was really hot out so the flat tire was a terrible idea. Whatever, college boy.
As we were standing along the roadside, thinking about that flat tire, Bryan said something like, here comes another dog rescue for us.
I guess these guys have helped lost or stray dogs get either placed back at their houses or the humane society on 3 or 4 occasions in the last few years.
At first, it seems like some kind of weird fate. I mean I've never seen a dog that needed rescuing. Are these guys taking dogs from back yards or something?
Wait a minute. I frequently see dogs out wandering around. It's just that I never stop and think that the dog could be in some sort of trouble. I don't own a dog. When I'm out riding, I'm usually in a big hurry to get home. If it had been just me riding along up the highway the other day, I may have seen the dog, but I NEVER would have thought to call her over and check out her tags and call the owner and the humane society and all that. It just never would occur to me.
It will from now on. Maybe all you cyclists out there do this already. Maybe I'm the only one who never thought of it. But I doubt it. As cyclists, we are in a fantastic position to help dogs get back on track.
My only concern is the obvious one of how to safely attract the pooch in order to get the particulars. That's why from now on I will always carry a live squirrel in my jersey pocket.
Unfortunately, I don't have a fancy smart phone or anything. I just have a stupid old flip phone. I can't really look up the number of the humane society while I'm out there with your dog. So I'm going to add it to my contacts right now.
O.K. that's done. The number for the Nebraska Humane Society is 402-905-9410. After 7PM. it's 402-444-7800, option 1. If you're in Iowa, let the dog go. I didn't look up that number. Plus, the SUV that almost hit me today had Iowa plates, so the dog is probably better off wandering around than in that SUV.
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