Less than a stone away from my goal (goal: 13 Stone 8 lb). I put the big pants away for next winter. Now losing weight on pace with Jan Ullrich during a TDF.
My secret? Well, I'll tell you.
First, make a big plate of your favorite food. It doesn't matter what it is. Get as much as you want. Pile it on. For me, it's a double meat, philly with extra cheese and extra mayo and a family size curly chili cheese jalapeno fries (extra spicy) from Tony's All-You-Can-Gorge Cow-Flesh and Cheesecake eatery. Mmm. I wish such a place existed.
Anyway, before you sit down to eat your delicious meal, take one flintstone chewable vitamin to slightly curb your hunger.
Next - and you cannot skip this part - take a clean plate and divide the meal in half. This does not have to be exact, but it should be close. Try to divide each part of the meal in half. Now you have 2 decent sized meals in front of you. Take the one that looks slightly larger (be honest, otherwise you're only cheating yourself) and throw it in the trash. I know it sounds horrible, but you were going to eat it. And that's even worse for weight loss.
Now you can sit down and enjoy a good meal, except, no you can't. Are you kidding me? That's still too much food. Scrape the other plate into the trash too and go smoke a cigarette. That should take care the hunger for a while. Later on, you can have another Flintstone chewable if you're good.
4 comments:
Wow, I got close to 14 stones this last year. I think your method is fantastic. But, I don't smoke. Would I have the advantage of not gaining all that smoke weight?
Never mind, I just remembered, smoke rises, it must make you lighter.
Vintage BDC. Thanks for that.
By the way - If you smoke menthols, your breath will be minty fresh (with a hint of stale smoke)! Just remember to remove the pack from your shirt pocket before you step on the scale. Especially if you go the 100's Box route.
This method is totally cycological, but as a Brit pensioner i cannot afford food. My 8 cats can though, and when i started your regime by cutting my crusts in half and sharing them with the animals (only you effing yanks waste food)they gave me some funny looks.
Hey, i have an idea (not for you BDC, i'm coming to see you any time now) why not eat yer effing ciggies, then you can puke up over yer effing thick-pile carpet and lose weight that way.
Only trying to be helpful for god's sake. Oi! BDC, visit my blog, if you can read that is; the older posts are better, eh? fc?
Bob. Brilliant suggestions. I will commence with the cigarette eating right (straight) away. I know Marlboro makes a "Mild", I wonder if they make a "Spicy". Mmm. Spicy cigarettes.
I cannot reveal my true diet plan or my enemies (friends) will follow it and effectively lose weight. I need them fat. This is as you accurately say, for cycle logical reasons. I don't race my bicycle anymore, but we still get together sometimes for a friendly (fiercely competitive) little bike ride now and then.
The cigarette part of the diet brings the absurdity up to a comfortable level for me. So many people will not quit smoking because of the fear of gaining weight. I once heard of (personally know) a girl who used cocaine for no other reason than to lose a few pounds. Well, that's what she said anyway.
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