So I'm the asshole?

When somebody asks "So I'm the asshole?", the answer is always "Yes."  Well, maybe not "THE" asshole.  But you're definitely "AN" asshole.  Yeah, I like the sound of that.

The trick is to not say "So I'm the asshole?"  Just think it.

I thought "So I'm the asshole?" last Sunday evening.  I was driving to the Lewis and Clark Monument in Council Bluffs Iowa.

My wife and 2 sons were also in the car.

It turns out that my younger son Abe loves to hike in the woods. I found this out by accident a couple of weeks back when Jack had a Devo Dirt Militia practice at L & C but Jill was busy so Abe had to come with us.

Abe has no business riding a bike at L & C, so I told him we could hike around for a while.

We have struggled for years to find some form of activity that Abe really enjoys.  I couldn't be happier.  L & C is beautiful and he just gets a thrill out of tromping around out there.

We were hoping to get a hike in early Sunday afternoon, but it was pouring rain.  That night Abe expressed sadness that we didn't get to go.  It was about 6 PM and I said we still could.  Everybody thought it sounded fun so we piled into the car and drove over to Council Bluffs.

When we got off the interstate at 25th Street and were heading toward Big Lake, I saw a big huge obese woman riding her motorize cart thing down the sidewalk.  She was heading Northeast.

I said, "I bet she's going to Wal-Mart."

"Nice," said Jill.

"Dad, that's rude," said Jack.

"What?" said I.

"Making fun of that woman," said everyone.  They didn't know there was a Wal-Mart right around the corner.  Also, I was making fun of that woman.

But it seemed unpopular, so I just said, "No.  I mean there's a Wal-Mart right here," as we rounded the curve revealing the big huge obese "Wal-Mart" sign, "That's all I meant," I said. "Oh you thought ..."

"Shame, Shame," I continued.

"Oh.  Sorry Dad.  We didn't know there was a Wal-Mart right there."

"Oh, I see.  You saw a big fat obese woman carting her ass down the sidewalk and thought I was comparing her to your average Wal-Mart customer.  But now that you know she's going to Wal-Mart, it's ok."

In conclusion, the only thing wrong with "So I'm the asshole?" is the question mark part.

Also - on Monday night, a few of us were sitting on my sister's porch.  We heard some people talking from half a block away.  Their voices projected very well.

I don't know if you've ever noticed that people with unbelievably loud voices are usually missing some teeth.

I wondered aloud if maybe teeth normally hinder sound's progress.

Most of the people on the porch thought I was being an asshole, but my Daughter put forward another fascinating hypothesis.  She said maybe their loud voices have caused them to lose teeth.

Brilliant.  The good news is I'm not "THE" asshole.  Just "AN" asshole.  But it is genetic.