Autumn Approaches

Cube didn't like his boss at the Architectural firm.  There were the 2 survey crews at the firm.  The one Boomer was on was supervised by Ed.  With the exception that Ed insisted on listening to country music, he was a good guy to work for.  Dean led the other crew.  That was the crew that Cube was on.  The best thing about Dean was that he insisted on listening to country music.  Cube really disliked Dean. 

Cube was not in college, but this was really sort of a summer job for college kids.  It was seasonal work.  So as soon as the season ended, Cube found a job in the high tech fast-paced world of custom cabinet making.

Cube knew nothing about making cabinets.  He had taken wood shop in Jr. High (N.K.A Middle School) where he spent the entire semester building a Chess board.  The end result was a horribly uneven hunk of wood that was a hazard to play.  Say, for instance you decided to pull a fancy “castle” move or whatever the hell it is you do in Chess.  You were more likely to suffer a debilitating splinter wound and bleed on your king than protect him.

Cube’s roommate was Jim.  Jim worked at the cabinet shop.  Jim’s girlfriend was a friend of Cube’s.  She coerced Jim to put in a good word for Cube at the shop.  “Just look at that glorious chessboard,” Erin would say. 

“Erin, these guys are craftsmen.  It wouldn’t be fair to anyone,” Jim protested.

“Have you actually looked at the Chess board,” Cube attempted.

“Uh …” 

“Listen Jim, all this talk about Cube not having a job is giving me a headache.  I’m going to bed, BB.”

‘BB’ was Erin’s nickname for Jim when he wasn’t going to get any.

Jim had worked at the cabinet shop for nearly 10 years.  He was sort of a legend there.  Kind of an oddity.  Co-workers would frequently visit him while he was joyfully sawing away.  “C’mon Jim, let’s see ‘em.”

“Really guys?  Again?,” Jim would always say, a little shy.   Then “fine,”  at which point, he’d hold up both hands, palms out to reveal 10 perfectly intact fingers.

“Wow.  He hasn’t even got any tips gone,” one would say.

“I know, right?” the other would say, confusing everyone in the room since the year was 1984.

“I’m telling you Dave, the kid is just like me.  His self control is amazing.  I’ll lay down whatever odds you want, that not only will he never lose a finger, I’m willing to bet he’ll even find some.  He’s a smart kid.  A good egg.  He’s fucking brilliant, I tell you.  Oh yeah and he’s my roommate, So I can give him a ride and make sure he’s here every day,”  Oh Erin, you are so paying me back for this tonight, Jim thought (correctly).

“You say he has no experience,” Dave asked, caught between Jim and some completely unqualified kid.

“Worse, he took wood shop in Jr. High (middle school)”

“Oh shit.  Really?  Are you sure about this kid, Jim.” 

“No shit Dave.  He’ll be running ‘Doors’ within a year,” Jim affirmed.

“Alright send him in.  I’m still gonna put him through hell in the interview.”

Turns out it's not ‘what you know’, it's ‘who you know’.  ‘What you know’ has its benefits.  Like if you want to keep all your fingers.

"What's this thing called again," Cube asked Dave.

"Well let's see ...  It looks kind of like a table, doesn't it?  And that pointy round thing sticking out of the middle?  That's a blade.  A saw blade."

"Got it.  A saw table.  I remember now," Cube boasted.

"Yeah.  You'll do.  Ok this stack of panels here needs to be cut down to the size written on each one.  You know how to read a tape, right?"

"A tape? Like a cassette?"

"No. like that thing clipped to your jeans."

"Oh, the tape measure?  Yeah I can read it.  I took wood shop in Jr. High."

"Ok, these panels have to be exact.  Within a 32nd of an inch.  Never Short.  Good luck."

After some confusion about width and height and a couple of mishaps related to the meaning of "exactly", Cube was up and running as the Table Saw guy for the cabinet door panel things.  At first, none of the other guys really hung out with Cube except for his roommate, the legend.

The Framers were the guys who put together, well, the frames or something.  This was considered the coolest job in the shop.  The framers were like when you were at a concert with your date, then some guy starts hitting on her.  Then he walks up on stage and turns out to be Eddie Vedder, lead singer for the band that’s playing. Yeah, you were never going to get to be a framer.  What you will get from time to time however, while you're sawing away, is a well placed 16 penny nail to the chest from a bored framer's nail gun about 20 paces away.  Man, they were accurate with those things.  Occasionally, the nail will bounce off you and ricochet with great velocity off the saw blade.  Good times and high fives all around.  

As saw man, under certain conditions you would also get a standing ovation.  Seems like no matter how careful you are, once in a while, a piece of wood is going to bind up in the blade and kickback toward your crotch.  The natural (and wrong) reaction is to try to grab the piece of wood.  Do that, and there's a good chance the wood will pull your hands into the blade.  No, the right thing to do is raise your hands like you're under arrest and let the wood slam into your jeans.  The kickback makes a loud and distinctly scary sound.  Afterwards, the cabinet shop turns silent as everyone in the place stops what they're doing to see which route you chose.  If they see a man standing there, hands in the air, holding firm as the pain from the flying lumber to the groin registers, they collectively sigh, drop their equipment and begin the slow clap that soon becomes a thunderous round of laughter and applause.  That's the good one.  The other one happened to Cube's friend and earned not applause, but a mad search for the man's pinky finger and a trip to the hospital.  

Cube was working the second shift that day.

"So what's with the huge stack of panels," Cube asked as he stomped out his cigarette into the sawdust at the foot of the saw.  Normally the stack of panels was about 6 feet high.  Today it was more like 11 or so.  In answer to Cube's question, Roland, a manager jerked his thumb in the direction of the "Number of days without an accident" board and started to walk away.  "Is Ravi ok?"

"He'll be fine.  Just lost a finger.  Happens to all of us one day.  They can probably reattach it, but he says he's not coming back.  Oh and some of those panels have a little blood on them.  Don’t worry, the sanders can get most of it out.  True story,"  true story.

From that day on, Cube became known as "Waxer" mostly because he insisted on waxing his table about 4 times a shift.  But also because it implied masturbation or something, which is always funny.  There is simply no exception.

"Jeez Waxer, you could play air hockey on this thing," Dave, the boss once noted of Cube's nice shiny table saw.

"I just like having all my fingers," Cube said.

"I get it.  More fingers to 'Wax' with, eh Waxer?"

And at that they both had a good hearty laugh.

Cube worked hard and safely at the cabinet shop.  With the possible exception of Jim, Cube was easily the smartest person working there. 

And within 3 months, Cube had learned every part of what it takes to make a door.  He had even spent some time doing the untouchable job of sanding.  There was actually nothing wrong with this work other than it was mind-numbingly boring.  The sanders were hunched over panels all day, smoothing them out.  The sanders always wore facemasks.  The leader of the sanders was a really cool guy.   His name was, true story:  Texo Daro.  Cube Always thought that was the coolest name anybody could have, but he wasn’t sure why.

Cube was now basically running the whole cabinet door part of the shop.  Just like Jim the roommate had predicted.

When Summer rolled around,  Boomer came back into town and was gonna pick up at old KMA (The architectural firm), but Cube put in a good word for him at the Cabinet shop.

“I know one thing about Boomer.  He never took wood shop in Jr. High, Dave.”

“If you say so Waxer, I’ll give him a chance.”

“Actually, that’s ‘Cube’, with  ‘C’”, Cube corrected.

“Whatever you say Pube Waxer!”

And they both laughed for a while.  Cube, because Dave was the boss.

~~
Edit: I guess the leader of the sanders was actually Dara Texo.  But it was a long time ago.  It's still a cool name, though.