Something for Fredcube

With football season in full swing, I figured it was time for me to dust off the tale of my greatest moment on the gridiron.

It was while I was in High School. I was a senior at Omaha Central. I was positioned as sort of a weak side tight end. Our quarterback was the legendary Mike Matya.

Normally, high school games are played on Friday Night. But this was a special game. It was Saturday morning at the University of Nebraska at Omaha's Al Caniglia field. It was a fine Autumn day. Mild temps and sunny.

Even though I was a senior, I had never played even a single snap at Central. To anybody who knew me back then, it would be no surprise since I wasn't on the football team.

It's a shame, too, because boy did I ever have the moves.

I was always pretty sure I could have been a great receiver. Not that I could catch or anything. Growing up in Nebraska, catching the ball never seemed all that important.

I just knew that if I got out into space with the ball ... good luck getting a hand on me.

Not that I was a fast runner or anything. I just figured my evasiveness would be enough.

It was.

What I was good at was goofing around in class. In sophomore year, I took English from Mr Heck.

Brian Carlson was also in that class. Since my name was "Cube" and his was Carlson, we initially sat next to each other in class. That didn't last too long. Mr Heck, for no reason whatsoever, decided to move me clear to the other side of the room from Brian.
 
My new seat was on the weak side of the room, directly behind the legendary Mike Matya. He wasn't legendary yet. But he had a good sense of humor.

Also he was much smarter than Brian or me. When I made some stupid joke, Mike would suppress all kinds of laughter. He was good at it. He was enjoying the jokes that Brian and I made, but not foolish enough to join in. That's how people get in trouble. I hear.

Lots of football players thought I was funny, but Mike was the only one to make sure we were always invited to parties.  This was cool because they were football player parties.

It was a little scary being a smart-ass around a bunch of half-drunk big aggressive football types. But Mike was their QB and always had our backs.

That's also how I got to play football at UNO one fine Saturday morning.

The night after some game, I was at a party and Mike invited Greg and me to join a bunch of them the next morning. "Hell Yeah!" we said.

Greg and I were the only ones there that weren't football players. I wasn't concerned though because I knew if I got the ball, it would be lights out. Sure these guys were bigger and faster than me. But like I said, I had the moves.

How did I know? Well, I'd had plenty of practice. What I'm about to explain is no exaggeration. This was my exact thinking at the time.

Central was a pretty crowded school. We had exactly 4 minutes to get from one class to another. That included going from class to my locker, swapping out my book and getting to the next class while everyone in the school was trying to do the same.

It was madness. But I had what I considered an amazing talent of foreseeing where the holes were going to open or close. I always navigated my way through the crowd with such ease that I imagined I could be one hell of a running back. I'd cut. I'd spin. I'd weave. I would always maintain book security and I'd get to class in record time without ever being touched. It never occurred to me that nobody was trying to touch me but still. It was a lot more than 11 people in a hallway a lot narrower than a football field. My logic is sound.

So about 15 or so guys showed up that morning.  I was so happy because I got to be on Mike Matya's team. I was even happier than he was!

So the very first play of the game, Mike received the snap (he held the ball and counted off some number of 'huts') and we were off. I didn't know what I was doing. I was probably out of position or something because nobody was anywhere near me. I waved for the ball, but it turns out it was a quarterback keeper or something.  For no gain.  Oh well.

Second play of the game. Hut, hut, HIKE! and we're off again. I am all alone out there, waving like a madman. Mike telegraphed a fake to me and tossed a perfect strike into the hands of one of his favorite targets. Pass complete to some other jock for about 4 yards.

Well this went on and on for quite some time. I was always open and never got the ball. We'd be stopped after a couple of first downs and then the other side would get the ball.

On defense, I was exactly the same amount of effective. I always ran toward the ball but it was always somewhere else. That made sense to me though. I had never practiced running into people in the hallway. It wasn't my thing.

Then it happened.  3rd and long and I was open. Mike looked at me and his eyes said "Yeah, well, sure. I guess," It was like if eyes could shrug.

Mike dumped the ball off to me and I was off to the races. I saw a tackler coming for me and neatly stepped out of the way. Then another and another. My 'passing period training' was paying off huge. I ran for everything I had and they were all missing me. It was glorious. I was finally stopped after a 25 yard gain! 25 freaking yards! Mike was laughing. I had basically just run through a bunch of actual football players and made the biggest gain of the day. True story.

The joy I felt was great, but really did not belong to me. The universe, realizing the error, rectified immediately.

The stunning revelation the football players had was that I was no ordinary runner. I could not be brought down with a normal tackle. The people away from the action had witnessed something few ever get to see.

These "real" football players with all of their experience and training could not hit me because they expected me to be some place else when they lunged at me. I was literally too slow to catch.

"You guys should have seen that," Jon Jones was saying to everybody. "He was moving so slow and everybody was missing him. Hilarious."

Thanks Jon. That joy felt odd anyway.

After that, I just plowed into people on my way to class. FTG.

My chat with Wesley. SiriusXM's "real human"

10:40 AM

SiriusXM:      Hi, I'm the Sirius XM Virtual Agent. I'm here for you!
                                        May I have your first and last name?

You:    Fred Cube

SiriusXM: Thanks, may I also have your phone number, including your area code?

You: 000-000-0000

SiriusXM: Thanks, again.  How can I help you?

You: When I try to use the mobile app, I am getting a message that says "We found your account, but your subscription does not include streaming"

SiriusXM: Okay, I can help you with that. Are you trying to log into your SiriusXM account? Or log into SiriusXM Streaming Radio so you can listen online?

You: log into streaming radio app to listen online from my iphone

SiriusXM: No problem. Follow this link to recover your SiriusXM Streaming Radio username and password.  Did that help?

You: No

SiriusXM: I'll try to do better in the future. Would you like me to connect you with a specialist who can help you right now?

You: Yes

10:40 AM You're now chatting with Wesley.

Wesley:  Hi, my name is Wesley. Thank you for contacting SiriusXM.  Fred, let me access your account and help you to access the app.

You: Hello - I am trying to listen using the app on my phone. I am getting a message that I don't have streaming with my subscription

Wesley:  In order to assist you with your request, I will need to access your account. For security reasons, can you please provide the  complete address, including zip code?

You: ___ Omaha NE ___

10:32 AM

Wesley:  That matches. Certain changes made on your account may result in us sending you an email confirming the changes.  Is fred.cube@email.com your current email address?

You: yes

Wesley:  Perfect. May I know you are trying to access the app with the username: fred.cube@email.com case-sensitive.

You: yes. i am able to login i am unable to listen since I get the message that my subscription does not include streaming (which I've used before).

Wesley:  I get that. Your radio is now under Select Lite plan and this will not allow you to access the online streaming services.

You: When did that change - because I used it this morning, yesterday, a few days ago and so on?  also - if I go to my contract agreement, it says that I have streaming.

Wesley:  I get your concern. Do to [sic] technical glitch you were able to access this app.  I have not heard from you in a while and your chat window shows you've been idle, are you still with me?

You: yes - I was wondering what was going on. Sorry.

Wesley:  Let me explain this for you.

You: Can you point me to what exactly the "Select Lite" offers.

Wesley:  There are 2 plans that is Select and Select lite.  The select lite have same channels what Select plan have however it will not have any online streaming option.

You: ok - what is the regular price for "Select Lite"? I don't see it on your site.

Wesley:  The regular cost for both the package cost $15.99/month + fees and taxes.

You: Select costs the same as select lite?

Wesley:  Yes you are correct.

You: then why did I get switched to select lite?

Wesley:  I see that your radio was under this same plan form Jul 29, 2019 after the free trial ended.

You: the select lite?

Wesley:  Yes you are correct.

10:50 AM

You: ok so I did not want to pay the $15.99 after the free trial so I was going to cancel. The person I talked to offered me this for $5/month (plus fees/tax). But you're telling me that the regular price is the same as select lite. so after my special price ($5) goes away (08/01/2020) I will be paying $15.99 for a service that has no streaming but costs the same as the one that has streaming?  Some people call me a stable genius.

Wesley:  I do understand your concern however now my hands are tight [sic] and can not help you with the Select promo offer that you have now.  If we make any changes then you will lose the promo offer.

You: no - I'm neither concerned nor asking for anything else. I am just trying to make sure I understand.

Wesley:  I get that.

You: I'm not angry or demanding anything. I was just confused because I was able to use streaming until just now. it is seriously (that's how you're supposed to spell serious) no problem. I just wanted to make sure I wasn't doing something wrong. I do have one other request though ...  If you get a chance, could you go down to the tech guys and ask them to reinstall that glitch. It would really be helpful for me. Thanks.

Wesley:  Sure. We have already got few customers with the same technical glitch and have updated to your team.  They are working on it.

You: Thanks Wesley - Although I think something is getting lost in translation. I'm going to go now.

Wesley:  Thank you for understanding.  Is there anything else that I can assist you with today?