Racing

About a month ago, some guy was all, "Hey - why do you want to race?"

Then he was all, "Hey - what if you go race and nobody seems to be paying attention to who wins? Then would you still race?"

Then this girl is all, "Big words, blah blah blah, psychology, brains, etc, etc.  I used to be like you.  I have to install a bike rack and stuff."

Then I'm all, "Hey - why do I race?"

But then, "Hey - I don't race.  At least not very often.  But I always think I'm going to next time.  Why is that?"

I used to race quite a bit about 10 or 12 years ago.  I wanted to do well and before my first couple of races, I believed I had a shot at winning.  I was wrong.  I got dropped from all of my first several road races - usually on the first climb of the first lap.  I was pulled from most crits in the third or fourth lap.

By the time I stopped racing about 7 or 8 years ago, I was roughly middle of the cat 4 pack.

I stopped because I couldn't get it together and it was expensive and golf.

Then I got fat.  So I started riding again.  I never wanted to race again.  Just get into better shape.  I wanted to be a part of the Wednesday Night Worlds again.  That was it.

But guess what?  You can't just make "that it".  They won't let you.  Once you get good enough to be competitive, you will be badgered to race whether you want to or not.

But this is a good thing.  Racing is fun.  Not fun in the traditional way. Fun in the "You think this hurts?  How about this!" kind of way.  It is the most painful thing you will ever do to yourself.

You know how when you get a bad flu and first you just want to feel better.  Then it seems like forever and you just feel horrible.  Then you think that dying would be ok if it would end your suffering.  Then you start to get a little better.  You're still sick, but you feel better than you ever remember feeling.  That's what a bike race is like.  Except there's a lot more sweating, puking, and hallucinating going on at a bike race.

Late last summer, I was feeling pretty fit and Shim kept pushing me to race.

I was like, "Geez. Why can't I just do WNWs and not tie up my Saturdays?"

I came up with excuse after excuse.  But after reading the blog post called, "Bro, do you even race?*," I had to think about it.

I didn't race Papillion last weekend.  When I told my wife it was because I wasn't happy with my current fitness, she was all, "What - are you only going to race if you think you can win?"

Ding!

That was it.  That's the real answer that's been hiding from me.  If I don't think I have a chance at winning, I won't race.** No wonder I couldn't find it.  It was in my brain all along.  I never look in there for anything.  Talk about psychology, blah blah, blah.

But I really do want to race.  I guess I'd better get into shape then.

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*It's actually called "Racing"

** Unless it's Cyclocross.  That shit's just fun.  Still that one kind of "flu like symptom" fun I describe above, but cyclocross adds, "being mocked by a huge crowd of drunken spectators" fun.  Sign me up for that shit 1.5/4/120!***

***This is an ancient shorthand for the cyclocross training season.  It means 90 minutes, 4 times a week for 4 months.