Friday Extra: On Mike

Just a little tilt.  Too much and you look like a buffoon.  You don't just accidentally have your cap perfectly off-kilter.  I'd say it took me 6 months or so to get it just right.  Now, I never miss.

For the longest time I was tilting the cap to the right.  Rookie mistake.  Nobody wants to see a cap leaning to their left.  It's just wrong.  Once I realized I was looking at a mirror image of myself, the proper cap placement was a snap.

But Mike, I hear you ask, what's the big deal?  Two words.  "The Ladies."

Hey - it's a competitive world out there, no matter what anybody says.  It's mano a mano.  Dog eat squirrel.  Or whatever.  The guy who takes advantage of every opportunity will go home with the tail.

Take that creep Aidan Fuller for example.  Big shot quarterback.  "Giant Slayer."  Back when I was a kid, he was my idol.  Sure - he ruined my big brother's shot at the state championship.  Petey was never the same after that loss.  They all said he was the reason the Giants lost that year.  The team was supposed to destroy the Wolves.  No excuses.  Petey just choked the game away.

But still - I couldn't help but admire Fuller.  The procession of poon that guy was landing?  Whew!  "Aidan's Maidens" they called them.

Of course it was all handed to him.  What chick wouldn't be conned by the 2nd string QB of the underdog team. Then they squeak out the heroic win for the championship.  And to top that off, his dad had been killed a few years earlier trying to rescue a puppy.  Aidan Fuller had the back story that guaranteed a lifetime supply of top shelf beaver.  Lucky Bastard.

But now, I've got the cap.  I'm the boss.  And Aidan?  He's late for his shift again.  Crazy how things turn around.  Maybe if he gets here in the next 10 minutes or so, I won't fire his tired old ass.

Well, enough of my gabbing. The mirror here in the men's room confirms what I already knew.  You, Mike.  You're one dashing S.O.B.  Go get 'em, tiger!  Rawr!

~~

Mike finishes his pep talk to himself and scrapes his arm on the changing table as leaves the McDonald's restroom*.  Damn kids, he thinks, as he puts the table to its closed position.

A few minutes later, Mike can be heard shouting commands to the crew in what can only be described as one of the most beautiful displays of choreography known to man or beast.  Your scintillating McDonald's dining experience is due to Mike's management skill.  Much like His father and brother could run a football offense, Mike steered the fast food restaurant to victory every single day!


* I bet that will come back to bite him.  Just sayin'