So there was this guy, right? He was having the whole inside of his house painted by professionals. It was a pretty big job and the painter guys told him that he'd probably be best off if he crashed over at a friend's house for a few days so the painters could leave all their crap lying around until the job was finished.
So the guy called his brother because his brother had always told him if he ever needed a place to stay, not to hesitate. There was a spare bedroom right next to his, so it would be cool.
After getting all situated in the guest room the guy heard a peculiar noise from the next room over. It was his brother's bedroom. It sounded like, "Click. Swish. ahh." The "ahh" sounding like a sigh of relief.
Strange, thought the guy. Then he forgot about it until the next night when he heard the same thing. "Click. Swish. ahh."
Curious, he went over to his brother's room to ask him about it, but when he got there, the light was off, and it sounded like his brother was already asleep.
After the third and final night of his stay (by the way, there always has to be 3) when he heard the mysterious sequence of sounds, he decided he had to know what it was, even if he had to wake his brother to find out.
So he went to find his brother fast asleep and gently woke him.
"What's up bro," came the cheerful but sleepy reply.
"What's that noise coming from this room every night."
[ at this point, I will mention that the brother did not need to be told what the guy was talking about, because we were 9 years old ]
"Oh that," said the brother, instantly understanding what the guy was talking about, "Every night, when I go to bed, I shut off the light (the click) I leap through the air to my bed (the swish) and land on my comfy sheets and pillow (the ahh). Whenever I do this, I fall asleep instantly. It is the most wonderful thing. You really must give it a try some time."
Nonplussed by this totally bizarre explanation, the guy said, "Um. Okay then. (under his breath) Goodnight weirdo." 1
When the guy got back to the guest room, he figured he had nothing to lose, so he'd give it a try.
Five seconds later, the guy's brother heard the curious sound of "Click, swish, AAAAAHHHH!!!" where the "AAAAAHHHH!!!" sounded a little like a scream of incredible agony.
The brother rushed to the room, terribly worried. When he arrived and turned on the light, he saw the guy doubled over in pain on the floor. "What happened, guy?" the brother asked.
Through clenched teeth, the guy explained, "The click you heard was the sound of me shutting off the light (labored panting). The swish was my leap toward the bed. The AAAAAHHHHH!!! was when I hit my nuts on the bedpost."
~~~
Freddy Hans told me that joke. He was one of the kids my mom watched when we were young. So then my mom asked us what was so funny.
"Oh nothing," I said all guilty and nervous-like, preparing to leave the area.
Then, to my horror, Freddy Hans said, "One time, this guy was getting his house painted ..."
I was panicked. I couldn't believe he was telling this joke to my mother. There was really no way to stop him. I would have to explain why if I did. Freddy had a bit of a course mouth and my mom and I knew it. I knew it would be terribly embarrassing when he told my mom the punch line.
Finally, he got to the line. My heart stopped. My god, he was really going through with it. "The AAAAAHHHH!!! was when I hit my" (at this point he glanced over at me and stretched out the 'n' sound) "knee on the bedpost" he finished.
You sonofabitch, I thought. He did that on purpose to freak me out. Good one, Freddy.
At that, my mom kind of shot a smile/smirk glance at us, letting us know she was onto us, but she just turned and went about her business. Her brand of cruel punishment. She was leaving me the rest of the day to worry about whether or not she was going to relay the story to dad.
But Cube - Surely you didn't gather us here today to tell us that stupid joke. Did you?
Well no, not exactly. It's just that I was reminded of it recently when I jumped into bed and went AAAAAHHHH!!!
No bedpost - and it was the "knee" version of the joke I was reminded of.
About 2 years ago, There was a noticeable buildup of fluid over my right kneecap. I went to the doctor and since there was no redness, soreness or excess heat, he said, "Yeah pretty good. Carry on as you were, etc."
I was happy about this. I had been concerned that I'd need to back off on the cycling. But the Dr. said it was cool, so.
Then last week, I jumped into bed and got a sharp pain on the outside of my lower right leg, just below the puffy knee. I made an appointment with the doctor and pedaled softly until I got consultation.
The doctor examined me and said, "looks like some kind of a temporary pinched nerve dealy or sumpin'. Otherwise, your knee is in great shape. Mash away!"
Yes! So for the first time this year, I set up the magnets behind the rollers. The magnets add resistance using something called "science."2 It's pretty cool. They are nice when you want to work hard. They're similar to the fluid trainer. It gets exponentially more difficult and your speed increases. It's more linear with the rollers and no added resistance. See? Science.
It reminds me of this time long ago, when I was ... Oh wait, I think the pizza delivery guy is at the door or something ... I will be right back. I promise.
~~~
That "Click, Swish, aah" joke was my second favorite joke. My favorite joke was the one about Charlie Brown getting fancy new Speedo swim trunks so people would think he was cool. When he showed Lucy, she said, "I always thought you were crazy Charlie Brown, but now I can clearly see your nuts."
The first thing to mention about this one is that it also includes the word "nuts." Secondly, Freddy Hans told me this one too. I'm pretty sure every joke he told had the word "nuts" in it somewhere. Also, he didn't tell this one to my mom. Although, "Now I can clearly see your knees" would be hilarious.
1. Many of the oldest manuscripts omit this verse.
2. And this is Eddie's resistance unit, then?3
3. The sofa reference.
3 comments:
Surely, Freddy Hans told you this one...
What's green and eats nuts?
No he did not. He was not that course (not at 9, anyway). I will say, though, that it's difficult to think of a more appropriate joke for the VD holiday.
And oh yeah - I just remembered. That one was told to me by Kyle (age 14).
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