Metagrumpy

Or maybe metascrooge.  Not sure.  I just know that I find myself being grumpy about what people get grumpy about.  I read the other day that Von Maur will not be opening up on Thanksgiving day.  For me personally, that was a huge relief.  It's nice to have at least one day a year where I am forced not to go to Von Maur.

I wasn't surprised that Von Maur would not open on Thanksgiving.  I was surprised there was an article about it.  Until I read the article.  Von Maur was responding to the news that Target would be opening at 6PM on Thanksgiving.  What!?!

Well I will tell you this, Target Stores.  I will never, ever, ever spend another dollar at one of your stores.  I'm sorry, but that's just Unmerican.  Thanksgiving is a time for people to spend time with their families (and the indigenous people of the land).

The only people who don't deserve to see their families on Thanksgiving are convenience store workers.  Oh, and people who work at movie theaters.  Hospitals stay open too, but you don't want to eat there.  Oh!  And anybody who plays professional football for either Detroit or Dallas.  Plus all their fans.  But everybody else, including Target employees, should be with their families until well after 6 PM.

There's nothing more Merican than sitting around watching a bunch of distant relatives lie around moaning from the pain of a day of advanced surfeiting, checking their parlay sheets, farting, etc..  

I should just back up a little and clarify my statement about never spending money at Target.  I will only change my mind about it if there's something I need to get at Target.  Or if Target is on my way.  Otherwise, I'm done.

After the "Von Maur vs Target" article was the comments.

I can't actually read all the comments on something as controversial as a department store opening up on Thanksgiving evening during the Dallas Cowboys or Detroit Lions football game or whatever.

But I like to skim them.

One guy advocated the return of "blue laws."  These are religion based laws about buying cars or liquor on Sunday.

Plenty of people vowed to never set foot in Target again.  Meanwhile, they praised The Von Maur decision.

They make the point that families should be together on Thanksgiving.  Like this:

"Where do you work, dear?"

"I'm still at Target."

"I told you you should have stayed in school.  Hopefully you'll go back some day"

"I'm fucking outta here!"

Yelling, "Yeah! Don't be late for your shift! It's almost 6 !"

But that's not really what I'm metagrumpy about.  I mean I'm a little grumpy that people care.

What I'm mostly metagrumpy about is all this stuff about the moment Thanksgiving season ends and Christmas season begins. 

People are pissed about it.  That's ok with me.  My problem is they talk about it.  They're all grumpy about it. 

Then I get grumpy.  I'm all "Why do you care?"

Lots of people have a surprisingly specific timeline for the events between November 1 and January 1.

There is a correct day to put up the tree.  To take it down.  To play Christmas music.  To decorate the halls with boughs of holly.  Fa-ra-ra-ra-ra Ra-ra-ra-ra (see what I did there?).

People are seething about seeing some Christmas related thing - literally weeks before Thanksgiving.

"Fuck,"  They'll say.  "That shit ain't right," they'll continue.

"Jesus, please shut up," I'll conclude.

But you know what?  I blame God for this.  That's right.  Go to the source.  When God started America, he should have realized that he put Thanksgiving too close to Christmas.

Surely he could have rigged it so Mary gave birth to Jesus sometime in April or something.

Ok, I'm just having a laugh.  I guess people who care about this stuff say Jesus was probably born in April.  April 7th actually.

But that wouldn't work at all.  The way Easter jumps around from like late February to sometime in June, how awkward would that be when Easter and X-mas are on the same day?  Then what would Target and Von Maur do?  Then who would the Detroit Lions play?  

These are the mysteries of the universe.

Final note:  I'd like to apologize for how horrible this post is, but screw it.  Bah Humbug and such.

Oh yeah, and Happy New Year.