A Helpful Guide

Do you know Mark Crown?  I do.  Great guy.  He's been commuting every day via the Keystone for at least as long as I can remember.  Before Jack (Age 11) was born, even.  I've had many conversations with him about nothing in particular.  Just a nice guy to chat with as you ride on down the trail.  Also, he laughs a little like Jon Randell.  R.I.P.  Sniff.

Helpful Guide tip #1: Jon Randell is not dead.  He's just resting in peace from cycling.

Anyway, Mark Crown.  A few months back, there was an article in the Omaha World Herald about him.  At that time, I only knew him as "Mark."  One morning, my uncle called me and said to me, "Do you know a guy by the name of Mark Crown?"

"No," I said.

"Well, there's a nice article about how he rides his bicycle (my uncle never calls it a "bike") to work every day of the year.  I figured all you guys know each other."

I thanked him for letting me know about it and started reading the article.  Then I was all, "Oh Mark.  Yeah I know that guy."

"I thought you bicycle riders all knew each other,"  Uncle reiterated.

"I guess you was right,"  I said, in tribute to the way my uncle's best friend (AKA my dad) talks.

Sometimes, the Omaha World Herald wants Mark Crown to blog about his whole "biking year round" and the associated implications.  He's happy to comply.  Turns out, blogging for a newspaper is much different than blogging to try to get your buddies to laugh.  Boobies!

For instance, there's a painful copy editing process that goes on with newspaper blogging.  Also, OWH doesn't want Mark Crown to just blog any old thing whenever the hell he feels like it.  They provide a topic and when they want it.

Personally, I think that's kind of cool.  Also, I think the Omaha World Herald is pretty.

So with all this Mark Crown mania (do you have your T-shirt yet?) around town, everybody wants to join in the act.  Everybody wants to be able to say "Yeah - I know Mark Crown."

Some even dare to dream.  Some are just chomping at the bit for a chance to greet Mark Crown in person.

Helpful guide tip #2: To greet Mark Crown in Person, say "Hi Mark" as your paths cross on the trail.  Congratulations.  You've talked to a celebrity.

"But Cube.  How will I know it's The Mark Crown I'm greeting?" asked the audience.

That's what this guide really is about.  How to tell you are greeting THE Mark Crown and not some fair weather Fred on his way to work at the company.

All bicycle (thanks uncle) riders look pretty much the same.  Except guys on recumbents.  For some reason, guys on recumbents always look like hippy college professors that knew Steve Jobs personally.

I don't know why.  That's just the impression I get when I see that stupid orange flag waving side-to-side.

But every other kind of bike looks essentially the same from a distance.  When someone is approaching me on the trail, I can tell from quite a distance if it is a fit road cyclist or not.  I judge the rider girth and kit and narrow down the possibility of me knowing the person the closer s/he gets.  This is a fun game we all play.  On a recent ride, Barry, Tri-Sam and I saw 3 Greenies (riders in Gin Soaked kits).  One guy and 2 girls.  Barry and I conferred afterward and decided we didn't recognize the guy, but the girls were Kaitlin and Carly (we think).

Now to the Mark Crown identification guide.  If it is really shitty weather out and there is a cyclist, go ahead and say "Hi Mark," as you pass.  It's probably him and if not; who cares?  It's really shitty out.  Why are you talking?

Things to look for to properly identify Mark Crown.

The bike:
 Red Cannondale Cross bike.  This bike is about 1000 years old. It's hard to miss.  Often times these are mistaken for 2002 LeMond Zurich Road bikes that are powder coated a bright yellow, so be careful.  When you see a red cannondale cross bike don't just yell "Hi Mark" until you verify that it is not a yellow LeMond road bike.  I can assure you, this is a common mistake.

The Kit:
Ok, this one is tricky.  Mark Crown always wears a nice Capo Kit.  Sometimes, Fair Weather Fred going to the company also wears a very similar kit.  But usually, he's wearing some mismatched Twin Six crap from about 5 years ago.


The Cargo carrying system:

Mark - Panniers.
Me Fair Weather Fred - Super nice Banjo Bros Backpack.


The Face:
Since the kit is often not much help at all, if you can't tell the difference between red and yellow, you could look at the rider's face.

Mark's face looks like this:

Whereas my Fair Weather Fred's face looks like this:

So that's pretty much it.  Now that this has been blogged you have no excuse.  In fact, after today, I'd advise against going home and bragging to whomever will listen "Guess who I said 'Hi' to today."

Because if it was some droopy looking dude on a yellow bike with no panniers, you said 'Hi' to Fred, not Mark*.  Idiot.

And sceeeeeeeeene!

*Unless it was a guy on a Trek cross bike.  Then it actually was A Mark.  It was not The Mark though.  It was Mark Savery and nobody would believe you if you said you greeted him.  That's a whole different kind of celebrity there.