The Hinsley Challenge

For as long as I can remember, my initial reaction to anything my dad says is that he's either mistaken or full of shit.  Sometimes, it's a little of both.  But the truth is, he usually knows what he's talking about.  Also - he's usually making up some lie just for sport.

Dad is 69 years old now and a couple of years ago, he told me of "The Hinsley Challenge."

He didn't call it that.  That's what I call it.  It is a challenge that as a Hinsley, I have no choice but to accept.

He told me that no Hinsley man ever in the history of Hinsleys has lived to the age of 75.

Not only do I doubt this is true, I doubt there would be any way to prove it without Goggling [ sic ] "Hinsley".

Challenge completed.  79, bitches!

Ok, so Sir Francis Harry Hinsley (no relation) from England or something lived past 75.  But that's obviously not what dad meant.  If I told dad this, he'd probably say something like "You little smartass.  That doesn't count because living as a Limey is no way to live."

So I should probably stick with American Hinsleys then ...

Oops:

Robert B. Hinsley 1825-1905

So there's one right there.

Well dad would certainly bristle at this observation as well, "You know what I mean you little smartass.  I'm talking about our relatives.  Not ZZ Top's Grandpa (Robert B. Hinsley was from Texas).

Ok dad, but that's not what you said ...

 "Fine.  Let me change my statement so you're not confused.  No Hinsley man that is one of my direct ancestors or his brothers has ever lived to be 75.  Smartass."

Fair enough.  John Powel Hinsley - you sonofabitch.  Now granted, from everything I read, he died well before he was born (1932-1918), but I think that's just because people who do these ancestry things are stupid.  I'm not talking about the Mormons here.  I'm talking about the Hinsleys.  So calm down, JWait.

Also - I had to skim through tons of dead Hinsleys younger than 75 to find this guy.  So dad's point is starting to look valid.

John Powel Hinsley was my Great Great Great Grandfather's brother.  Since he was obviously born in 1832, he lived to be 85. He almost made it to 86.  But I'm uneasy about the "1832" assumption.  It seems reasonable, but who knows.

But honestly - Who cares about John Powel Hinsley?  What dad means by his factoid - is starting with his Grandpa Charlie, no male descendants have lived to be 75.

Charlie had 20 kids (2 wives) in his 53 years on earth.  Thirteen boys and seven girls.

Charlie was originally from Missouri (The show-me state).  He was my Great Grandpa.  His second wife, Lula Bean of Oklahoma, was my Great Grandmother.  They had 15 kids together that they know about, hardy har har.

Ok yeah - so Charlie's sons are all dead now and none of them lived to be 75.

So far - neither have any of Charlie's grandsons.  My Dad is one.  Personally, I think he's got a shot, but he doesn't seem to think so.  He sometimes acts like it's fate that he has somewhere less than 6 years left to live.

The Hinsleys also had another thing in common.  Rough lives.  Lots of drinking.  Lots of eating.  Lots of fighting.  Scant personal hygiene.

When I first heard my dad make the "Hinsley Challenge" statement, my reaction was "Don't be silly."

Of course anything could happen at any time to any of us, but some things are more likely than others.  As much as I see his challenge as nothing more than a silly superstition,  I wouldn't want to find myself in his position 20 years from now.

Telling Jack and Abe, "You know, no Hinsley man ..."

If my dad reaches that magic number (I think he will), I'm still not that excited about, "Your grandpa is the only Hinsley man to ever ..."

I don't know if I'm next in line after my dad or not.  I don't know many of my relatives.  There might be some older than me.  There probably are, but as far as I know, I'm it after dad*.  If he would just go ahead and not die for at least another 6 years, that would take a lot of pressure off of me.  Speaking of pressure.  I think I'll call him and tell him that right now.  He needs to stay alive so I don't carry that burden into my old age.  But then if I caused him so much anxiety his health deteriorated - woah - that would be ironic.

What would be cool is if I reach the age of 75 and he's still kicking. I could call him and scream into the phone at the 95 year old, "Told you dad!!!"

"Who's this?"

"It's Freddie!! I told you!!! I'm 75! I made it!  There are now twice as many of us, old man!"

"Sorry.  Who's this?  I can't hear a thing."

"What about your eyesight?  Can you still read signs from 200 miles away?"

"Smartass!"  click.

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*Quiet, Jeff.  Facts will only get in the way.